Well, I still haven't found my "Pixela" disk, so since it's a lot easier to post photos from home, my "next day" entries with pictures will actually be "evening before" entries. If that makes sense.

So consider this Thursday's entry. (I know, there's some way you can set them to post on the desired day but I'm not going to take the time to track down that applet).

First of all: the current socks.



Notice anything? I think I need to start a pair in a brighter color to balance out. Clockwise from top right: the Owl socks (Opal Rainforest, just a simple 72 stitch pattern). Jaywalker socks using Lisa Souza's "Petroglyph" colored Sock! yarn. And the cascading leaves socks.

This evening started out a bit challenging. I arrived down at church to be met with a bunch of instructions, and numerous signs demanding food not be taken from the fellowship hall. (I have been after the kids not to do that, and as far as I knew, no one had for months). But the note left in the kitchen - it was very critical and I stood there and looked at it. And you know, I'm not good at sifting out criticism. I'm not good at looking at some criticism and going, yeah, okay, I can see that, I need to change, or looking at other criticism and going, this person is being overly picky or is having a bad day and taking it out on me.

My general response to criticism is this:

criticism of me or of something I do = I suck.

So I stood there feeling forlorn. My co-worker came in and I showed her the note and told her, "I guess we need to talk to them AGAIN." and she observed that she knew the kids hadn't taken food or drink in the "forbidden" zones for a long time. And then she said: I bet I know who is bringing this up. (To which I responded: I don't want to know. Because honestly, I don't. I'd rather not have my sense of another person compromised.) Then the grandmother ("Grandma S.") of one of the girls came in and saw the note, and she groaned, and said, oh, she's at it again.

Apparently there is one individual who seems to take what power she has very seriously, and is also making life unpleasant for other people. It's mainly because she's dissatisfied with something.

Although it helps me to know it's not personal, it's just a "kicking the dog" thing, it still hurts. And part of me is going, you know, I work hard for this. It's a volunteer thing. My co-worker and I were the ONLY ones willing to put any effort on it (until the New Couple joined and now they're helping, too. And they're a great help). And it just doesn't seem fair that I be the whipping boy. But part of me also says: this is an unhappy person, she doesn't see YOU, she just sees somewhere where she can assert her power.

Like I told Grandma S.: I would never quit doing this over stuff like these notes. I recognize that the youth group is more important than any hurt feelings I might have. But my feelings ARE still hurt.

(Grandma S. has a meeting with the woman about something else - and she said she'd remind her that she's not the head of the youth group, and that we're doing the things we're asked, and it's not fair to take her frustrations out on volunteer workers. I almost hope she doesn't, because I'm afraid of repercussions. But then again, the power-lady needs to know that she's causing unpleasant ripples in other people's lives.)

One thing I have learned - and I think this is a very important lesson for me - is that a big part of being involved in a faith community (or any group that ostensibly has a common goal) is that you spend a lot of the time getting over yourself and putting aside the hurts you have to work towards that goal.

But anyway. I just wish I didn't get smacked with semi-anonymous complaining notes. And anyone who thinks I'm not adequately "controlling" the kids is welcome to come down and spend a week or more helping me - after they work with 20 teenaged boys, they will probably not think it is so easy any more.

And here is a shot of what my 'comfort' craft has been recently:



(If you can't tell - it's one of those stamped pillowcases you embroider)

It's not very far done even though I've had it in progress for over a year - but I pick it up and put it down as I feel inclined, and it waits for me. Right now I've been working on it more.

They're not all that creative and I suppose some people would deride it as busywork, but to me there's something very soothing about slowly working an area of color across the fabric. It's pleasant to watch the pattern slowly resolve and develop, painstaking cross-stitch by cross-stitch. And the color soothes me. Lately, I've been hungry for soft colorful things in my life - for working on quilts and doing embroidery and wearing clothing that's more colorful than what I normally do. I don't know why. But it is a real hunger and a real desire, and I feel better after spending a half hour or so slowly making stitches across the pillowcase.

Which is probably what I am going to go do now, as soon as I 'publish' this and shut down the computer.