Okay, so I keep getting these e-mail messages claiming I have a secret admirer, and that I can find out by visiting this certain website.

Being the suspicious soul that I am, I figured it would redirect me to a pr0n site, or one trying to sell something.

So I asked on a bulletin board I visit whether anyone else had received similar e-mails. Someone had, had gone to the link, and found out that what you were supposed to do was, based on a slender "clue," input the e-mail addresses of people you thought it could be.

and then, she surmised, it sent the "secret admirer" e-mail out to those addresses.

I'm sorry, but what slimy waste of oxygen came up with this scam? Prey on people's desire to be liked, prey on what few dying romantic beliefs a person has, as a crummy e-mail harvesting device?

and of course, this raises the question of who thought I was their secret admirer?

may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the nether regions of the person who came up with this e-mail ploy. May their cakes always fall and their milk curdle. May they find themselves feeling a bit unloved one day and then get a piece of sleazy scam-mail purporting to be from someone who has feelings for them. May all the e-mail they receive be either cheery notes from the sons of deposed Nigerian princes, offering wealth beyond their wildest dreams in return for their bank-account number; offers to refinance their mortgage through the U-Trust-Us-Fly-By-Nite banking company; or suggestions that they are a bit lacking in the wink-wink nudge-nudge department and that they can buy a pill or a cream or a device that will fix that.

to paraphrase Linus: I love people but humanity gets me down.