More sweater progress

 The image of the wings is starting to emerge. It's slow, though. I didn't remember big complex projects being this slow. Maybe I'm just busier now. 

 Okay, it won't upload my photo. What the heck, Blogger, I don't need this tonight.

 

 

 

Anyway, there was supposed to be a photo there.

Okay I fixed it. I was so tired I forgot to save the photo as a .jpg, my cell phone saves and transfers them in the weird HEIC format that nothing else recognizes. 

so that's fixed, but I am still kind of mad at the world. 

 

This was another not good day though it ended okay

y. I had to speak sharply to a student for watching VIDEOS WITH THE SOUND ON in my intro class. A lot of these kids just aren't "done cooking" yet, they don't understand what it is to be an adult, but it's upsetting and insulting to me. I commented that the noise broke my concentration and it probably broke the concentration of the people around him. 

I know I'm boring. I know I'm not good at my job any more. I know I'm too sensitive. But dammit, can I NOT HAVE IT SHOVED IN MY FACE?

Anyway, at the end of the day I went to talk to my chair about the OTHER student. When he asked me who it was and I named them, he said "oh, it's not just you. They treat everyone like that, and they've had a couple instances  where they were allowed to succeed at pushing for extra credit without pushback, and they got it, and now they feel emboldened"

So if they go and complain to him, he's got their number. But I still have to put up with their nastiness. 

It was also suggested if the loud student doesn't calm down (if I have to speak to them again) I report them, apparently they are an athlete.

 

Anyway. For that and other reasons I am already done with people for this week. (I also found out more about the personnel issue and while it's not the worst I was fearing, it's not just a simple "family issues meant they had to resign" and I'm unhappy and I'm going to have a problem if I'm asked for a recommendation because I DID NOT HAVE FULL INFORMATION WHEN THEY ASKED ME IF I WOULD). So yeah, really really really done with people. People eternally disappoint me. I get lonesome, I hate always being alone, but you know? People will break your heart every time, so forget 'em. If that means I die alone in my house and they don't find me for a week, fine, so be it. It's better than always feeling sad and wondering who's going to break bad next. 

So yeah, it's mildly upsetting that I don't even get the TINY comfort of being able to post a picture of my sweater in progress.

 

I need something to be better, I really do. I'm losing hope in a lot of things right now and I don't even have any dreams for my future any more, I realized - because I feel like so little of what happens to me is under my control any more! Like, I could lose my job because the legislature here did something dumb, or because the university ran out of money, or whatever. I could be hung out to dry with no help from any quarter because the world is random and cruel and even trying to be a good and kind person doesn't help, and perhaps it even hurts, because it leaves you vulnerable and the selfish and amoral people grab what they want for themselves where you're trying to follow your scruples.

Just super disappointed in life tonight. Like I said: I need for something to get better.