Wednesday evening things

 *Chicken has been delivered. I think my colleague liked it.

* I may put aside "All Clear" again for a bit. Something happened, a big plot twist, that I thought was not possible to happen to a time traveler, and it made me sad. I mean, it's possible there was actually a save-point that happened, but it still made me sad.

war is hell. It's hard reading about the Blitz now, harder than maybe it was some years ago, because I'm too good at imagining us in something similar now.

I don't know whether to work towards finishing The Enchanted Greenhouse, or, I spotted my copy of SPQR on the shelf the other day and might pull that out and restart it. 

Oddly enough, when I'm sad and stressed by the world, non-fiction, particularly ancient or prehistoric history helps. Perhaps it's the distance; perhaps it's the idea that people have persisted through many terrible things. And maybe we'll persist now, even though I fear what remains of my life will be worse in a number of ways than what came before.  

* watching a NOVA about the restoration of Notre-Dame and a couple lead coffins found in the floor (along with a broken up elaborate Choir Screen that had apparently been demolished in an earlier renovation). One of an unknown man. It's pretty interesting. 

I would love to see more details and reports on things like the reconstruction and renovation. Like, periodically devote a news story to people doing some thing good, rebuilding a thing, fixing things, creating, preserving, instead of all the destruction and cruelty. It might encourage people to do more good in the world if they hear of others doing it? 

* I pulled out the English School Slipover (the yellow cabled vest) and am working on it. Still several inches before dividing for the front and back.

* Work is just tiring, given that the building isn't totally done and they're doing rewiring for the internet and sometimes things are just messed up in the classrooms, and some of the new incoming students are being very demanding about things (I had someone today who insisted my class was general biology, because he thought that was the room for it. No, it isn't! And he actually argued with me when I told him what class it was until my chair - who had come in to help with the computer - basically told him to leave)

* I think I AM going to drive to Farmersville on Saturday to go to the yarn shop there. I'm badly spooked about the coming tariffs and loss of the de minimus exception, and I'm fearful we're going to lose many small businesses, and those that remain will have to raise prices enough that they might not last much longer. I mean, I don't need to "stock up" on yarn, I have a LOT including some fingering weight for a sweater from Knitty that will take forever to knit up, but getting out and getting to have experiences that interest me may not be possible a year from now (or so my anxiety says) and .... I just want to have fun now while I still can.

*they've been promising us rain and cooler weather for two weeks and keep pushing it off later and later, so now I just assume either (a) weather prediction is broken because of firing and budget cuts at NOAA, or (b) they're lying to us for some reason. I do want it to be cooler. It was a heat index of 111 yesterday and while it was not quite as hot today, it was still hot and humid.

* Lots of things are making me sad. I had to turn off the national news; they were showing testimony from people who lost daughters in that flood in Texas; they still haven't found all the bodies. And I just sat there, shaking my head and crying a little. (It's possible it hits particularly because my niece is the same age as some of those girls). But also, it seems there's so much callousness in our culture now and while I actively fight against becoming so myself, it does feel very lonely and isolating and I'm reminded of how I don't totally fit in anywhere. 

*Life just feels like it's become more isolating since 2020. I don't know if that's my reaction/trauma from the pandemic or if it's actually true, but it feels like I'm worse at making genuine connections with people, and more and more I find myself wondering if I should move away when I retire, and try to find somewhere where I fit in better - like a place that has an artist's colony or something. Though I suspect I might be priced out of places like that. 

It's really hard to find community, and I think it's harder when you don't have a partner or kids.