needed to hear

 One of the Lectionary readings for Sunday was Psalm 1. 

It struck me that the interim chose that; you don't often see someone in a Disciples church preach on a Psalm. The main theme of the sermon was about God's love and how humans put limits on it that God does not put.

But I'm still thinking about the Psalm:

1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,

2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night.

3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.

4 Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction. 

 

(New International Version)

 

One of the thing I've struggled with these past few years is just this - that the mockers seem to have won, that those who do wrong prosper, and that on this side of the soil, at least, it seems like trying to be "righteous" only gets you more pain and disrespect.

 

That line about "trees planted by streams of water, " though. 

Yes, I do try, at my best, to "stay in my lane" and "keep on keepin' on" and try to do my thing without worrying too much about the haters. But it gets harder and harder, I think part of it right now is the feeling of being isolated again (the construction) and it reminds me of 2020. And I don't get a whole lot of "Attagirls" for what I do, and while I should not expect them, still.....it goes a long way to keeping a person moving forward.

 

And yes, I know, you have to wait and be patient and you might not even then see the outcome of what you do.

 

But more and more it does feel like the haters have won, and the nasty people who push ahead of you, or belittle others, or take what they want without asking.

 

And yeah, I admit, the darker side of my mind thinks of another quotation, one Terry Pratchett put in the mouth of his personification of Death (who speaks in ALL CAPS): 

"YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED..."

 

And yes, on the darker days, I wonder about that: IS there actually justice or mercy in this universe, or is what the Psalms say all pretty pictures to keep us going through a cold and empty and unjust universe? 

I don't know. I want to operate as thought Psalm 1 is correct, that those who do evil to others will eventually be scattered like chaff, and those who at least TRY to do right will prosper. But some days it's hard to hang on to that. 

I admit I don't like what Death is saying in the Pratchett book; if that's true you might as well just lie down and give up because it's all futile. 

I don't know. Maybe I'll figure it out in the end. Or maybe at the end I'll not know, or even come to realize that you can grind up the universe and sieve it and there's nothing there but badness. But I can't do otherwise than continue to act as if goodness and kindness actually matter, because what else do we have?