Monday evening things

 * I need to maybe relax and knit a little. The news today is kind of scary and also there's a lot of unpleasantness - a case of "suspected road rage" near me where someone threw eggs at another person's car, making that person think they were being shot at. Expect more of this.

Also, coming home, someone was coming down Wilson way too fast and not looking, and I wound up running up on a low curb to avoid being sideswiped - it's a curvy street and people park on it so it is NOT WIDE ENOUGH in places

* Got an e-mail reminding of the impending closure of Quilt Asylum and I'm sad all over again. It'll be a hole in Downtown Denison. Though apparently restaurants are way more profitable/desirable because their downtown director talked about wanting to encourage MORE of them. I don't know. I will be very sad if there's nowhere other than big-box places in a few years but that may be where it's headed.

* And yeah, I am taking this weekend OFF. I'm exhausted. I want to go to Sherman/Denison while there are still places to go. 

For one thing: I realized I really MISS antiquing, I have done it FAR less than before 2020, and I don't think I did it at all this year with my injured knee. I'm probably good enough now to climb the stairs (carefully) in the shops that have them. And they usually have vintage tree ornaments out this time of the year, even if I don't see any I want to buy, it's still nice to see them. 

I might also go to the yarn shop; I'm still slightly spooked by all the Tariff talk, thinking that almost all yarn is produced overseas and at least it'll go up 10% in price and at most in some cases the price might double, and .... yeah, I won't be able to afford to shop for yarn any more.

I shouldn't buy more, but one thing I've learned is that in my dysfunctional relationship with myself, buying myself "presents" is how I do "self care" even though it makes little sense. (I have too much stuff already). I don't know how to break myself of it but I have to. (Well, ha ha, maybe rising prices will)

* And there's this article (Guardian link). Yeah, I feel that.. I can tell when I do a lot of "head work" these days (writing an intensive exam, grading, lots of meetings) I am much less resilient in the evening, and that's when worries about the world weigh heavier on me, or I cry, or I wonder what good can possibly come for me in the future. 

And yes, I also need to find some way to do an end-run around those feelings. Not doing all the work isn't an option and going to bed at 7 pm to get extra sleep feels like that means I lose any personal time I have. I don't have anyone near and dear I can unload on. So I am kind of stuck recognizing "this is a problem" but also "at this point there's no way to make it better"

* it's hard to "make the light" or "find hope." And it's really hard to do alone. And I'm tired, so tired.