Is a puzzlement...

 Why is it when I fail to achieve one small goal, I feel literally like The Worst Person In The World, and yet, there are people out there being demonstrably worse people and apparently unbothered by it?

I tried to get the AAUW yearbooks done on time, i really did. I had to wait for some last minute data, but I thought, print shop was really great in the past, they'll come through again this time.

But then: the department that used to cover the cost apparently no longer wanted to. Okay, fine, they used to let you pay out of pocket in the past. It was a lot more, but it would have been worth it for me to get them done. So I called and asked.

I should note the awesome person who used to be there retired, and has been replaced by someone apparently doing three jobs. Which probably excuses their curtness with me but the rules were NOT made clear to us when they changed.

I asked them: can you still self pay?

response: "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!"

okay fine. I was also told "You need to give us a MINIMUM of a week's lead time for things like that" Sorry? It wasn't that way in the past?

Anyway, it was a very unsatisfying exchange and I admit I wound up being borderline-rude to the person but I was frustrated. Anyway, my departmental secretary is on a wild goose chase to see if there's a department that can pay for them (we can't, not by our charter). No there isn't a Kinko's or similar in town; there's a ritzy print shop but I suspect they require a weeks' lead time too. 

So: maybe I do these myself, on the departmental copier, and they look like hell, and someone SAYS something. Because there always will be someone. Oh, they don't mean it BADLY, it's just "hmm they don't have a colorful cover this year" or similar - and that will hurt my feelings. Which are raw right now anyway.

(I spend most of the weekend low-level ill, despite cleaning house and mowing the lawn. I *think* it was some dumb stomach thing, either food poisoning or a virus - I never get very sick with these so I'm not throwing up to go "yeah, you're sick" - instead I get vague symptoms like stomach cramps or indigestion that make me wonder "oh shoot, is my gall bladder going bad now?" and then they eventually resolve. And then I had a horrible muscle cramp/spasm in my back yesterday, either related to that or to having done the yardwork the day before in too much of a hurry. I *think* I'm okay now, and I *think* I'm well enough for the fieldwork I had planned this afternoon - and anyway I have someone I can call/text if I need help)

And so I'm worried about getting out in time for fieldwork, and worried about the physicality of it (if I have to I can probably throw down a flag and crap out early, and hopefully will be OK to do the rest on Saturday) and I had some grumpy student e-mails after their last exam performance and it's just A LOT right now, everything is A LOT and as usual I focus on a trivial thing (the stupid yearbooks) to get upset about

but still. I wish we HAD a Kinko's or similar, I could take it out there and drop it off and have it done and just pay for it. I need SOMETHING that feels like a win today, because the one class I have is the class with the people upset about their exam (a lot of them join over Zoom, and I realized, the demonstration models I planned to use to show mitosis won't work well over Zoom, but at this point I am not convinced I care; this class was SUPPOSED to be in person with online ONLY for people having to isolate, not "online if you don't feel like showing up" and they're not PAYING me the extra online stipend, so.

If I'm just too unwell this afternoon I suppose I could do Saturday and next Saturday as field days; that would get me done before hunting season, and my plan for the 16th is toast anyway - I had thought of going to the yarn shop, but there's a Festival that weekend in that town and there will be no parking and too many people and uuuuuuggggghhhh. So maybe I go they weekend AFTER THAT and I am tired of pushing off the things I *might* do for fun into an indefinite future that may never happen. Jam yesterday, jam to-morrow; never jam to-day.