Some Monday things

 * The biggest thing - I finished the pillowcases for my niece on Sunday. Really, the hardest part of this is cutting the fabric because it's odd sizes (41" x 26 1/2" for the main part of the case, 41" x 10" for the edge) and making sure you have the fabric oriented how you want if it's a directional print

She is a big big fan of parakeets (she has a couple) and also parrots (friends of their family let her feed and look after their African greys when they went away for a few days). I saw the parrot fabric at JoAnn's some months back and thought I should make something for her, and then decided on pillowcases.

This is a close up showing the contrast "flange" - it was a fabric I had on hand already that coordinated. 

The pattern is the "Burrito Pillowcase" that All People Quilt put online a few years back - it's a .pdf file, you can do a search on "all people quilt burrito pillowcase" and find the directions. It's the easiest pattern I've seen and has the bonus of being done with all enclosed seams (French seams) so there is no raveling. 

* REALLY tired today. I feel like I didn't sleep even though I know I did. I don't know what it is. I found myself really reaching for words today, to the point where I was having to stop occasionally in class and search. It makes me worry. Makes me wonder if I should book an appointment with a neurologist. Then again, my counselor noted last week she has been finding a LOT of people saying that same exact thing - that they have brain fog, that their ability to do things is less than it was before. So I don't know. Maybe the thing is, if I were really suffering cognitive decline, I would not notice it, so being worried about it means I'm kind of OK?

* At least tomorrow is an easier day. Doing three lectures in a day is A LOT. I have two back-to-back and one - the stats one - takes the most prep, and then I have environmental policy, and I have to constantly check for updates. Currently my thing is to prep those classes the day before (or on Saturday for Monday). Ecology is less changeable and demanding and I have an hour before it meets so I can review my notes. And of course the intro class is Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I have three hours before it meets, so I can do whatever quick prep I need then.

* I read an article today on resilience fatigue and while I know the site is one "anyone" can write for (and in fact, "anyone" does), it did resonate with me, I think it's something a lot of people are feeling. The advice is interesting - like, that some days it's okay to just "tap out" early if you can't. Well, maybe in some professions that's easier; I couldn't just cancel class that easily. And "throw your heart over the bar" - I struggle with that (what does it even MEAN?) - I guess I already kind of do that because I can't multitask any more (seriously: if the phone rings while I am writing or reading it is VERY hard to get back into the task). But the "lose the to do list" is NOT something I can do, not in my position - the to-do list, written explicitly out, is the only way I won't crash and burn - there were two rather important things I nearly forgot today until I saw my note to myself about it. I can no longer count on "oh I will remember that" (I used to be able to, and that's another thing that worries me).

- small novelty projects. This is a good idea but also a hard one for me to work into my days. What I'd really like, I think, is the chance to do some small non-messy (or messy but in another space I don't need to clean) crafts/arts that only took an hour or so. 

- remember to laugh. I try to do this but it's hard. Some things I might have once found funny don't seem so funny to me right now - some of the gallows humor about the onward grinding horrible things in the world. Cat videos still make me chuckle but I haven't laughed HARD, like hard enough to cry, in a very, very long time. 

But yeah, I frequently "run on empty" these days and get the necessary stuff done even when I feel like I can't. I think that's why I'm knitting and quilting less; I just don't have anything left in the tank when I get home to craft.

But definitely: resilience is something that can be depleted. I know I used to once be much more resilient than I am now. 

 Honestly, I don't know what would "fix" me at this point. Maybe I'm beyond fixing? 

* It's still hot here, gonna be hot and dry for a long while yet. This contributes to my feeling of being stuck and trapped in time - nothing is going to change, nothing is going to get better, everything just grinds along the same day after day and I hate it.  LITERALLY nothing does change in my life, I am very bored with everything. Even the occasional little trips out don't help as much as they might. What I probably need is like a month, a whole damn month, when I don't have to worry about grocery shopping or cleaning or work or what am I going to fix for dinner and instead have fun and interesting and different things to do and people around me building me up and something in my life that CHANGES in a good way.

* I did buy myself a treat on Saturday during my once a week trip out for groceries - this time to Mart of Wal, because they have some things Pruett's does not. 

These are the three main (as best I can guess) characters from G5 My Little Pony - Sunny Starscout, Izzy Moonbow, and Pipp Petals. The new movie (and possibly show) is going to be on Netflix and I have to decide - do I want to subscribe to Netflix to see it (and other stuff). As it is I'm too busy for much viewing time (I never DID watch the Community episodes I wanted to see this weekend - too busy with school work on Saturday, too busy with sewing yesterday), but I admit I would like to see it. The colors seem "softer" to me and maybe more reminiscent of G3 - the generation right before the one that got me "into" Pony. I think this one is supposed to be more child-oriented (I think Hasbro got a bit burned out on the weirder wing of the Brony fandom, as did a lot of us who just like cute colorful innocent cartoons). But still, I might want to watch it.