Spoke too soon

 A friend of mine who was having esophageal problems, and they thought it was muscle spasms? They found a mass when they went in to correct it.

At this point, I'm convinced reality is just a deranged fan-fiction of the "ongoing hurt" variety, where the author exercises their anger at life by inflicting continued pain on the characters.

I don't know any more details other than "they found a mass." I am presuming they suspect cancer but I don't know how far advanced or what. I know esophageal cancer, if that's what this is, will respond to surgery if it's found early enough.

But I'm just angry. Really angry and sad. I was hoping to hear at the end of today "They fixed his problem, he's on his way home, he'll be fine"

Too many people I care about have died or suffered serious harm in recent years and I am just....I am so tired. Selfishly I worry about running out of people I care about and who care about me!! Because during the pandemic everyone is closing in on their little nuclear families and they may not WANT anyone else in their circle after this is over, and right now it's not like I can exactly meet people either. My fear of "winding up all alone" seems ever more plausible. And I hate that. 

There's a terrible Wal-mart ad using the tune "you're all I need to get by" and the implication of it is "nuclear family plus walmart delivery is all we need, we can lock out everyone else" and as one of the people who would be locked out I don't like that thought. I don't want to be the spare giraffe waiting for the ark but a lot of days I suspect that's my lot in life.