Solstice day today

 Even though I'm a Christian and will be celebrating Christmas in a couple days, I think tonight I am going to light some candles and maybe go out and look at the conjunction (I'll be able to see Jupiter, I know, maybe if I dig out my binoculars I'll be able to see Saturn too).

And feel some kind of atavistic relief that the sun is returning, slowly, and it will begin getting dark less and less late from now on.

I know there's been a lot of argument about the date of Christmas; I know some theologians opine Jesus was more likely actually born in what we would call May given what textual cues there are. And I know people who practice something derived from the old pagan religions argue "appropriation" that we stuck our holiday celebrating the birth of the one we believe to be The Son of God so close to the solstice and Saturnalia (and some have argued there were Roman-Empire reasons for that, I don't know, I'm not enough of a historian).

But to me, it feels right. The light is returning as Christians prepare to celebrate The Light. (And several religions have holidays that are based on candles or lamps or, now, electric light: Hanukkah, of course, which typically falls fairly close to Christmas, but also Diwali, which moves around a bit and if I remember rightly was in November this year).

And for those of us in the northern Hemisphere, of course, this is the shortest daylength of the year (here, just shy of 10 hours). 

And oh, have I felt it this fall. Felt some horror some nights as the dusk closed in, or if I got home too late to consider going for a walk. The horror of the long empty hours some evenings when it was dark out but seemed too early to go to bed. (Though some nights, I should have just gone to bed; it seems that late evening time between about 8 pm and 10:30 pm is the worst for me feeling like "this is never going to end; this isolation and never-going-anywhere is my reality now" which is coupled with "good grief how will I endure maybe 40 more years of living like this? Maybe I won't, maybe I'll just die of a broken heart")

I dunno. It IS going to be a difficult few months ahead - I am guessing given how anything the government is involved in works, it will be closer to July than March when I can get vaccinated, and the news of a new "higher transmissibility" form of the virus in the UK - which is probably already here, or if not, it's on a plane coming here right now - will perhaps at some point close my university back down for in person classes, and force me back into depending on what "pickers" can get for me off the shelves at the grocery. 

And right now the US Mail is all snarled up. I don't know, I literally DO NOT KNOW where my sister-in-law's and niece's Christmas presents are, and that causes me low-level distress even though I did everything "right" and mailed early (the 8th, and paid for Priority Mail). I submitted a query and while someone did bother to call me, all they could tell me is "it's somewhere" and.....well, if it's not arrived by Epiphany I am just sending them online gift certificates on the assumption the package is lost. 

But I am in entering data today - in a moment I am running home for a quick lunch, and I might swing by Green Spray for a few ingredients. I decided, even though I SHOULD be trying to reduce, I am going to make a few cookies: a batch of meltaways (probably dividing the dough in halfs and doing half almond and half mint) and a batch of gingerbread cookies. They won't be Gingerbread Men, they will probably be Gingerbread Pegasi because I KNOW I have cookie cutters of Derpy and Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, though I think I have a couple others I picked up over the years. I found a recipe online that makes a dozen cookies (you beat the egg and then use 2 tablespoons of it; the rest I will have in scrambled eggs). 

Because I need it, I think. I have the presents under the tree and at least my mom and brother have theirs (his was ordered and sent directly and even though it took a while, it got there). And I have the tree with the lights and other lights and a Christmas-themed sock I am knitting on, but I think I also need the cookies too.