Monday afternoon things

* I really fought with myself about getting up to work out, but finally did. (Tomorrow I get to have a rest day though: worked out hard yesterday, worked out today). Some mornings it is just hard and of late it's seemed harder.

* I admit I really wanted to get back in bed today even after getting up and working out and getting dressed for the day. 

* One more day of teaching three lectures in a row. (Wednesday: Friday I will be on the road and once I get back here, that last week of classes, one class is just student presentations and another one is just review and the last test). So I almost made it but man do I hope I never have another semester with three classes straight in a row. It's exhausting and I know I teach worse than I do when I have breaks between them.

* Today has just been hard, though. I remembered this morning that a week from today is my dad's memorial service and it's just going to be hard. And I don't know how much of the family (beyond my brother's family) are expecting to stick around and be fed after services are over. My mom has already categorically told people she cannot put anyone up overnight other than her own children, so at least there's that. But I have a feeling it's going to be Too Many People, especially at an emotional time, and a couple of the people are either "blurters" (who say whatever they want and don't think about how it might affect others) or are givers-of-unsolicited-advice and I am really not in the mood for either. (Maybe winding up as kitchen crew or a fetch-and-carry person will be a blessing...)

My mom did comment about how "excellent" her local minister is at doing funerals and I am *hoping* that means we are not going to be asked to get up and read something. I would honestly think if there were that expectation I'd have been warned so I had time to write it, and maybe at this point, it's late enough that I could graciously-enough say "no" if asked, on the grounds that I haven't enough time?

* Definitely going to have to plan for taking-with-me:

- good, diverting and also comforting books, both for the trip up/back but also if I need to retreat to my room while up there

- some kind of nice stuffie (I am thinking my Slothilda because she can also double as an emergency pillow if needed, and maybe one of the Ponies).

- Some good comforting knitting, maybe something for ME even though I still have Christmas knitting. Maybe a cowl? I probably have an odd skein of soft worsted-weight that would work for one of the cowl patterns I have. (I should go stash-diving tonight to see what previously-unloved yarn I have that would work for this). I might keep it, I might find someone to give it to.

* I am also reminding myself that very likely I will have Saturday with just my mom and me, and Wednesday my brother and his family go to visit relatives of my sister-in-law, so I will get a couple quiet days, which will be nice. One thing I find more and more is that I do need a period of quiet after having to be around a lot of people.

* Though I will say I am today ruminating on how many things I do that I really don't want to do, and how much I just kind of...gird my loins and go do stuff I'd rather not. I can and will make it through this (and oh, why did I schedule a dental checkup for right after I get back, ugh?)

A lot of adulthood is not wanting to do stuff but doing it anyway because it's necessary or important or people will be upset with you if you don't.

I dunno. I suppose on some level that's admirable but I also admit it just makes me tired a lot of the time.

* But yes, very much want to go into Christmas mode and focus on

- making nice food
- decorating
- reading what I want to read
- knitting/sewing/crocheting/whatever
- watching nice things on tv
- doing things like sending cards (I have a couple people already lined up to send cards to, if you want one let me know, I have some more cards and can always GET more)

I admit I've used Hallmark Christmas movies as background noise a lot these recent days. It's funny: romance is not a genre I normally care at all about, but the "hook" of Christmas makes them watchable to me. (Also, most of them have family SOMEHOW involved - there's a kid, either adopted or a kid of a widowed/divorced person, or a niece/nephew, or there are parents/extended family/friend-family). And you don't need to pay a great deal of attention to them to keep up, you can dip and and out and it's fine. And they always have happy endings - the problem is resolved (the person who was going to have to sell their business doesn't, or the estranged family member reconciles, or someone re-finds the magic in their life), people fall in love, lonely people find family. It's a nicer universe than the one we inhabit, and....I like that. I know some people think that misery is somehow "more authentic" or "more serious and grown up" than comfort and things working out happily, but....there's not a lot happy in my world right now and I want the happiness. And anyway, who decided that dysfunction and misery were more "sophisticated" than people finding the family they need, or just having a good meal around a big table, or the day being saved, is?

* I've been reading "Howl's Moving Castle" which I bought as a Folio Society book (I think I have a cheap paperback copy bought off Daedalus on the shelf somewhere; I should pull it and donate it). I'm really enjoying it and fie on those who say "If you read 'YA' literature as an adult, you are bad and should feel bad." It's well-written and entertaining and the metaphysical castle that moves (and yet, always seems to be in the same place) is more interesting than most adult novels.

I'm pretty sure I've seen the Miyazaki version at least a couple times but the book is quite different. I mainly remember the weird/creepy scarecrow and the walking house (kind of like Baba Yaga, now I think of it; in the book it sounds more like it kind of slides along on its stones). Oh, and Calcifer; I liked Calcifer. I think he was more funny/benign in the movie than in the book. (I was amused some years later when I saw someone had a pet bearded dragon and named him Calcifer.)