In a weird way I'm relieved the memorial service is over. I often feel this way; it's like "okay, we can officially cry and feel sad and admit we miss the person, but also life goes on"
My mom wound up passing a lot of things to me that had either been my dad's, or had been keepsakes he and she had saved, that she thought I should have.
For years, the family owned stock in the Bangor and Aroostock railroad (which I am not even sure still exists*)
My dad was a HO train enthusiast and for years had a set up in the basement (in Hudson) and he had a couple of boxcars (this is the second one; I think it's newer, and it doesn't have doors that open and close like that other one:
(*yeah, they ended in 2003. Which is later than I would have guessed)
She had found the smaller one of the two when clearing up some of his stuff, and asked me if I wanted it, and I said yes - thinking I could set it on one of the small bracket shelves I bought (and still have to put up). Then, when I was looking (unsuccessfully) in the basement for something else, I found the second one. I decided to keep both; there was also a Bangor and Aroostock money clip that my brother got.
What was I looking for? The old crocheted angel that we used as a tree topper for a few years when I was a kid. It was later supplanted by a glass spire, and then still later, an angel inherited from my dad's parents. But I had no luck at finding it even though I thought I remembered seeing it in a box. (And I kept finding boxes of Christmas stuff, and my hopes kept getting up, only to be dashed). Now I wonder if I *dreamed* finding it some time back - sometimes I have very vivid dreams and snippets of them seem like memories. Or it might still turn up. I'm pretty sure it still exists.
And yes, I admit, in my displacement behavior/everything is too symbolic way-of-being, it was The Worst Thing Ever for about three hours on Saturday that I couldn't find that angel. I still hope it will turn up, that it exists and is just tucked away somewhere unexpected.
I did also find this:
I probably made this at least 30 years ago. When I was in high school, the church my parents belonged to did a summer crafts sale to raise money for outreach projects. One year I made some stuffed animals to donate to them. Some of them didn't sell so they gave them back to me. A couple of them found homes as baby gifts (like this cat, they all had appliqued or embroidered features, so they were baby safe). This guy hung around for years and when I found him, kind of dusty, in a box, I decided to take him home with me. (I ran him through the washing machine - remarkable how well these handmade critters hold up to that, even though you're not supposed to wash felt, which is what his eyes and nose are made of).
I decided to name him Buster (because I made him to give away, he never had a name). My dad had several cats when he was a kid, they were all named Buster. The most famous Buster was one who ran away from them when they were traveling, but who managed to find his way back home some months later - at least 100 miles.
My mom also gave me this, it is going over to my office on my desk (if I can find space...)
It was my dad's, I think one of his grad students gave it to him.
And some paper keepsakes. I really need to get a good, archival-quality scrapbook where I can keep these things and a few others I have. Maybe this could also be a home for some of the unframed photos I have. (I also plan to get more photos - one of my mom's over-Christmas projects is to go through all the accumulated photos, and I told her I wanted to make copies of some of them)
This would be from 1973:
It was printed in the old Delta Reporter (Delta County, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan). It's since been subsumed by the Escanaba Daily Press, but for years and years my mom would get the Sunday Delta Reporter in the mail. (She still gets the Daily Press).
This was before my brother was born, which is why he's not mentioned but old Daisty (who was actually kind of mean) was.
I vaguely remember getting a couple of those things for Christmas and I'm wondering if my mom prompted me, knowing what I was going to get...
My paternal grandfather was the one who was the big stock investor; it's from him I inherited the Bangor and Aroostock stock (and also, for years, we held Union Pacific stock, enough that they'd send us a nice calendar every year; for many years as a kid that was the calendar that hung on the kitchen wall)
One year he must have invested some money on my behalf and sent a little note:
I also have a letter my maternal grandmother sent me one Hallowe'en:
And this is the church bulletin - saved for just over 50 years! - from my baby dedication. (I think I've said before: in Disciples of Christ, you are "dedicated" as an infant, which basically means your parents affirm that they will raise you to be a moral person according to the teachings of Christ, and the congregation agrees that they will help wherever necessary - we don't formally do "godparents," I think the assumption is that all the other adults in your home congregation are your godparents. And then when you're a young teen, you do Pastor's Class and make the decision (or not, I suppose) to be baptized and join the church).
There it is.
And the back of the bulletin struck me, also. The Disciples of Christ have not changed all that much in the past 50 years in their attitudes:
But in this case, that's probably a good thing.
And one more keepsake. I had asked my mom if I could make a copy of this framed photo but she just gave it to me. It was taken by my Uncle Bill, who is quite a photographer (and has been for a long time). On the back, pencilled in is that it was taken in August 1973 in Marquette, Michigan. (I *think* my uncle was living there at the time, and I suppose we went up to visit him. I do not remember this occasion though I do remember a few things from 1973):
Man, that's really how I remember my parents. Kind of bittersweet to me.
***
Like I said, it was a long week. I am not used to being around a lot of people, and I was around a lot of people. My niece is 7 and she talks from the moment she gets up in the morning until the moment she goes to sleep (and according to my brother and sister-in-law, who shared a room with her, she talks in her sleep too). She is also very attention-demanding in the way small children can be so a lot of the time....well, I didn't say very much over break, enough that someone noticed how "quiet" I was, but honestly? I couldn't get a word in edgewise, especially when all the family was there. That's okay, though. I think living alone has gotten me into the habit of not talking a lot. And I didn't have all that much to say.
I did spend a lot of time hanging out with this guy:
(yes, he "loafs" a lot)
My brother and sister-in-law's Shiba Inu (his name is Porthos, like the Musketeer). I am not a dog person but I like this dog. They really worked a lot with him in both obedience school and at home and he is a very good dog - apparently their vet says Shibas have the reputation of being kind of mean and snappy, but he is not. (The worst he does? Sit by the table and whine when you are eating and he wants to eat). I walked him a lot because it was a convenient way to get out into the quiet. He also likes being petted and scratched and gently "thumped" (some dogs like that) and so I was able to get a lot of hands on time, either scratching around his ears or petting his coat or gently thumping his side. (He feels like I imagine a coyote would feel; he has that same coarse-looking outer coat).
Also, I retreated to "my" room some, just for a little quiet and alone time, and I finished the second pair of socks for my mother's Christmas present while there:
But yeah: it was a lot of people and a lot of emotion and this coming week is going to be a lot of grading (and I have a dental check-up Monday, ugh). I saw a t-shirt in a catalog my mom got that said "I just want to bake stuff and watch Christmas movies" and that feels very true right now. Or maybe not bake stuff - though there will probably be some of that for the Feast of Finger Foods coming up week after next - but maybe knit stuff and watch Christmas movies.
My mom also asked me for a list for Christmas and literally all I could come up with were new field boots (which will have to be bought with me present, to fit them) and a new barn jacket and maybe some turtlenecks. I don't know what else. I do just want some fun presents but I feel weird asking for toys from my very practical mom....
(I already received and was pressured to open my brother and sister-in-law's present (well, part of it, but I know the other thing I am getting). And I have to teach my niece to knit so she gets a sense of yarn quantities required for a project. They had her pick out yarn from their local yarn shop and I now have 150 yards of a dk weight and 131 yards of a bulky weight, neither of which go with anything else I have, so I'm not sure what I can make with either of those....)
I also promised myself something nice and frivolous as a reward for making it through....everything....but at the moment I'm coming up a bit empty as to what I might want. Possibly go to the yarn shop in Whitesboro this coming weekend (provided my grading is all done) and just buy a few skeins of nice sock yarn? Or order another pair of Hot Chocolates shoes, even if I can't really wear them when it's wet out as they are cloth?
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