Next mood swing:

I'm crying in my office again, but this time it's for a good reason. I had my door closed for a bit while I was doing some updating of my BlackBoard pages (so if I wound up cursing at it, no one would hear) and when I opened my door back up for some air, one of my colleagues came down the hall and said "You have pretty flowers!" and pointed to the floor right under my mailbox.

My students got me an orchid. (Or at least one of them, I have a suspicion of who it was based on the writing on the card, but maybe some of them chipped in; the person I suspect it is has several friends in the class).

I'm sure this is related to my near meltdown over the problems with the computer today; I had told them I was dealing with some heavy grief and that this class in particular might be tough for me because a lot of the stuff was stuff my dad had taught.

The photo isn't great because my office is small and cluttered; you can see my microscope set up in the background. (Maybe I'm not supposed to be using one in here, but it's a lot more comfortable than the research lab, and I can hear my office phone if it rings)

And the card. The card is what absolutely killed me. Everyone has been so kind in all of this and I'm actually a little embarrassed I was so undignified in front of the class and was planning on apologizing Tuesday, but now I also have to thank people for all of this.

Like I said: I have a suspicion of who wrote that based on the handwriting (someone who's been in my classes before) BUT I also suspect they didn't act alone.

Years and years ago, I used to bemoan that "I don't seem to be the kind of professor who inspires love in their students" (after seeing students hugging other profs and stuff, though now, maybe that's a no-no) but I guess I actually....do....? It's just maybe quieter and less audacious, maybe a little like me.


I mean, 2019 is still fired and people out THERE (gestures at the wider world) can seem pretty terrible some times but people have all been so kind to me in the wake of this, it's really humbling.