long two weeks

This has been one of the longer two-week spans of my life. For obvious reasons, on the one hand, but also I've done a lot. I'm going to be tired when I do get home but I think I will also be glad for the seeming normalcy of going back to work, helping students, etc.

Most of the paperwork that can be done has been done. I *think* the residuum of the pensions will be enough for my mother to manage on; there are also some other funds.

Right now, we are clearing as much as we can of the old books and files of his from the garage. It's slow work; not only did he teach and do research, there were also lots of papers from his department-chair work (20 year old minutes of meetings, which I am assuming were submitted and so exist somewhere if they need to).

I *guess* it's helping me process things. My brain is still serving me up future-anxiety dreams every few nights and also the occasional "scared of being abandoned/rejected little kid" dream. But I don't know what else to do. I tell myself I am here to work - I know less will get done when my brother and his family are here as both the dog and the kid will need attention.

Also, I am the kind of person who cannot just sit.

I have a few books of his and oddments (the Seventh Approximation of soil classification, which I think is the one that's still used) that I'm taking, and yesterday I went through his ties and took some  of the more meaningful ones (the ones with designs like the Bangor and Aroostock logo - for years, we held stock in them, a legacy of my dad's dad) and am going to make some kind of small quilt with them. (I don't know if I took enough to make something like a single large Dresden plate design or not, but I'll try that first. I don't quite feel like counting them or going through the ties again).

I'm glad I have a fun weekend planned with a friend after I get back; I feel like I need some fun. And I'm going to make more of an effort to appreciate the sort of simple fun I enjoy, or take comfort from the small nice things - yesterday a friend of my mom's took us out to lunch at an older restaurant out in the country and it was just nice sitting in the back seat of her car, not having to drive, and being able to see the scenery.