* And tomorrow, Whitesboro calls. Weather should be OK though a little colder than is ideal. One of my afternoon tasks for today is to gas up the car and to get some cash (For birthday things, I take a little money out of savings....it might sound like boasting but over the years I've managed to accrue about $25K in there so I think taking a couple hundred dollars is not too ill-advised. And I kind of like paying cash for stuff so I don't have to face the credit-card bill later).
Tentative plans are to leave early (like, 8 or 8:30 depending on opening time) and swing by Ulta *first* to get my birthday gift (and pick up a couple things I'm low on). I'm assuming they open at 9 but I will have to check...
(Well, boo. They don't open until 10. So then I have to think: do I go there first and then on to Whitesboro - it's about an hour there and the places there open at 10 - or do I hope they're not too busy on my way back?)
(But, hmmm....JoAnn's opens at 9, and I have a coupon from them, and I want to see if the newest issue of Simply Knitting is out, so maybe I go there FIRST and then go to Ulta when they open and then on to Whitesboro from there. That feels like a plan. I also need to take stock of my knitting needles - I think I need a new mid-length size 7 circular needle; I had one break on me (the metal tip separated from the cable)
And then from there, Whitesboro. And on the way back home, stop at the natural-foods store and the Kroger. And maybe the Sherman yarn shop too, just for good measure.
I can't count on having next Saturday off (I STILL have not heard back, and frankly, if I may complain: it's bad form to ask for volunteers and then not follow up with when they'll be expected to be present. Yes, I get most people don't operate on a "week in advance" schedule but SOME of us are busy enough that we really need to). If I do have it off I am reserving it to, I don't know, go antiquing or something. Or maybe go to the Kohl's and see if there are any interesting clothes on offer. (I also need to replace one or two of my brassieres and they are the place that reliably has the brand I favor). Or, I don't know, see if one of the small towns around here has some interesting shopping worth going to see.
Or, if nothing else: work on the current quilt.
(OH. Diann - yes, Chandelier IS in the first "Charm School" book. I was misremembering the cover. I am right now doing the sort of Irish Chain like one from there; have the blocks almost done)
* Anyway. There was some good in this week:
- My check-up went well; my bloodwork shows me healthier than some famous and very-highly-placed persons, apparently. Down a couple pounds but I probably need to keep working on that (these past few days I've eaten worse, both because of stress and because I'm not anticipating jumping on a scale soon, but after this weekend, I am getting back to more-abstemious and healthful eating)
- the PTR meetings went generally well. I also learned two things that maybe I knew and had forgotten:
- You only need to be "proficient" in two of the three areas to "pass."
- And at that, "marginally proficient" (yes I am still salty about that) counts as proficient. So I was, really, proficient in all three areas. In fact, one of my colleagues (the one I was talking about as being practically perfect in every way) noted that on at least part of his Ph.D. comps, he got a "weak pass." And he said "You know what I counted it as? A pass." And I admit, I thought, man, I wish I were like that. Because I'd hang on to that "weak" and not see the "pass." (I'd make the familiar feminist joke of "God grant me the confidence of a mediocre white man" but a. he's not 100% white and b. he's most definitely not mediocre.) But yeah. Maybe I need to look at that 'marginally proficient' in service as "Hey, you're privileging your teaching and research, those are what matter to you, those are what you're really good at, and you're still good ENOUGH in service."
And also, some of the "service" I do (to the world at large) that's important to me personally, and to the people served, doesn't count on PTR, And that's a shame, but, whatever. I guess everyone has stuff that's important to them that doesn't matter to the "world at large" and that's just how it is in this fallen world.
I suspect also the problem is that I'm in a generally excellent department - no one here is really deficient in anything - and also that I tend to compare myself to other people too much and see myself as lacking.
* And yeah, I'm feeling more secure about my quality as a teacher today because yesterday I got an e-mail:
"Congratulations! You have
been nominated for the 2019 Faculty
Senate Recognition Award for Excellence in Teaching."
This is the second year in a row - no, I didn't win last year but that is 100% understandable given the person who did win. (And really, lots of people get nominated). But. This is usually a STUDENT nomination, so that counts for something to me. (Also, a nice thing they often do: after the awards thing is over, they e-mail everyone the comments that the student put in their recommendation, and that's always a nice thing to see).
And I know not every student loves my style of teaching. But some seem to be inspired by it. I find often the shy kids are the ones who warm up to me. Especially the shy nerdy ones; maybe they recognize who I was and am.
One thing I need to do in the next ten days is write up a one-page summary about my teaching and submit it for the award. (I doubt I will win this year - they often give it to someone on the point of retiring, and that's probably the right thing - but it still feels worth doing).
And I can put it in my PTR for next year. I expect I'll easily get proficient in teaching, and probably in scholarship, seeing as I've had a couple papers in the three-year period. And maybe I'll get an unqualified proficient in service given that I've taken on more.
Or maybe I shouldn't care about it so much. I'm that silly former gifted kid, always chasing after pats on the head from the teacher. (Or wanting senpai to notice me favorably)
* I cleaned (much of) my house last night. Got the bathroom all done except for scrubbing the tub (which probably didn't really need it, and yes, it feels wrong to me that the very thing you use to get clean in can get so dirty as to require regular cleaning. Tubs should be self-cleaning). Got the kitchen all done. Got the dining room mostly done, and did a little pick-up in the living room. I do still need to extensively sweep the floors but at least I'm not twitching because my kitchen is a pit. (For some reason, having a dirty kitchen and bathroom bother me more than anything else. Probably because most of the other rooms, the problem is clutter - mail stacked up I need to deal with, or too many books, or craft supplies out of place - and that feels less like "dirt" to me than spilled tea residue on my kitchen floor or toothpaste in the bathroom sink.
I also did most of the laundry. Though tonight I should do sheets and change my bed. My allergies have been wicked (probably "mountain cedar" - Juniperus ashei) and maybe fresh clean sheets will help. (Probably all the dust and stuff I stirred up yesterday didn't. And the fact that the wind was out of the south - most of the trees are to the south of us).
But I do feel better with a cleaner house. Part of it is that orderliness is appealing to me but I think part of it is when my house is a mess, I worry that something will happen and someone will have to come over (I get very sick, or break an ankle, or something) and they see what a pit it is, and talk about what a slob I am behind my back. And yes, I get that that tells you more about that person than it does about me. (But yes, I do know people who talk about what slobs other people are. And these are people who have weekly cleaners come to their house and they *don't quite see* that maybe that's different for someone who can't afford or doesn't want a weekly cleaner. I could perhaps afford one but I have other things to spend my money on, and also, I am private enough I don't want someone else messing around my stuff. And at that - when my dad was first home from the hospital, there was a service that my parents had in for a few days to help out and my mom said "The person they send didn't clean like *I* clean, and they wouldn't even dust, because they said they didn't want to move anything" meaning on the china cabinet or mantel. And so what's the point, I feel like: most of the intractable mess I have is a "I don't know where to store it" problem. Once I get the clutter picked up I can do the sweeping and wall-cleaning and scrubbing of sinks and everything else done happily and fast - that's the FUN part of cleaning, honestly, because you can see your progress really fast and clearly, and it's physical, and you don't have to think so hard about it. It's going "Do I need to keep this statement from my retirement fund or not?" or "How many months back should I retain bank statements" that bug me. (And yeah, I know: I should probably just scan all that stuff and then shred it. But that also takes time.)
* But anyway. Very very very much looking forward to a "selfish day" tomorrow where I go out and only do what *I* want to do, and buy myself stuff, and get lunch out somewhere where they bring me my food (*probably* the good barbecue place, but I haven't 100% decided yet).
I have no yarn in mind that I "need" but there is always sockyarn, and with 400 yards of sockyarn (the typical skein) you can make a lot of things, or if there's a color I really love and might want a shawl of, I can buy two skeins. And I also know roughly how much yarn different projects take, so if I see something and go "I want a sweater of that" I know kind of how much I need to buy, and can find a suitable pattern.
Same with quilts. Don't have anything particularly in mind but I will see what they have at the shop. I can always use more big pieces of solids to use as backgrounds with other fabrics.
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