small-town Christmas

Tonight was the Christmas party at church. The bell-choir played (I made a couple mistakes in my part, but not bad ones - not ringing when I should have rung, but it was all points where I was part of a chord, so it probably was not missed.

Then the kids did their program. It was a re-enactment of the manger scene. The women who run the kids' program organized it and they got someone from the theater department to narrate, so there were very few lines the kids had to remember (and also very few to say if they were shy).

It was cute, and there are few things that make you happier to be living in a small town than seeing a church pageant put on by the kids. The little Mary and Joseph were especially cute: they held hands the whole time, and she (even though she couldn't have been much more than six) very clearly said "But Joseph, the baby is coming soon" when they were getting turned away from the inn.

And given the unequal gender balance in the group, the three Wise Men were actually all girls, but it worked. (One of the Wise, um, Men also played the announcing angel - we need more kids)

We sang first-lines of carols at points in the program. It was really quite nicely done even though I understand it was put together on short notice. And even though I'm not a "kid person," there really is something sweet and nice about the kids we have at church - I kind of know most of them, and know two of them quite well from Bell Choir.

And, I don't know. There's something that just feels so good and so right going to church one evening close to Christmas and seeing the kids put on the pageant. It's something that's gone on for probably over a hundred years here in the US, and maybe even longer in some locations. And I just like things that are....continuous and traditional and things that I would have recognized and participated in as a kid (Though I don't remember doing it as a v. small kid, but I was extremely shy- but when I was in my early 20s, I was a fill-in Mary at the "Las Posadas" the church I belonged to did. [And odd to think: at that point I was older than the historical Mary probably would have been])

I don't know. I can't articulate it well but there's just something that feels right and good about it. That in a world where there's so much ugliness, getting to see a little girl and a little boy hold hands as they play Mary and Joseph, and an older girl with a good clear voice be the angel, and the innkeeper look genuinely chagrined when she had to tell them there were no rooms...and in a world where so much has changed, that this is a thing that still happens, that kids still do this, and they seem happy and proud to have those parts.

We didn't really have a *service,* per se, but this was the one "liturgy" type thing we did. And that reading just caught me (and yes, I nearly cried YET AGAIN). But you know? It's something that I do feel hard, and in a way it's comforting to me to read that I don't necessarily have to do BIG things to try to make the world a better place - that doing my "best" and also trying to see the love in others' hearts, I am in my way serving.

(Honestly, among the things-I-want-for-Christmas-that-aren't-things, near the top of the list would be "the sense that what I'm doing is enough and is good enough.")

I dunno. I go back and forth between "what I am doing is fine; I am not an outwardly terrible person and the fact that I worry about 'am I doing enough to make others' lives better?' shows that I'm not terrible" and "but there is so much more I could - and therefore should - be doing"

Anyway. After that, there was a short prayer (including a blessing of the food, and I wonder if people have gotten on the minister about that; he usually doesn't do that when we have an after-church potluck and either we wind up standing around until he gets down there or I, as Head Elder, get deputized to ask the blessing). And then we ate - mostly appetizer type things, sadly no fruit or vegetables (I was expecting that and ate mine for lunch). Cake for "Jesus' birthday" and yes I took a piece even though most adults didn't. (We really get it for the kids but it was a good-sized cake and not all the kids stayed).  There was cake leftover at the end of the night so it's not I snatched a piece out of anyone's mouth, though.

There was supposed to be a Santa but either the person I thought was going to do it was unexpectedly taken ill (he left early) or there was some missed communication, but I don't think the kids missed him too much...