Yesterday evening, though, was the first "normal" parental phone call (the tradition was, they'd call usually on Wednesday and Saturday nights, except when I had evening meetings) in over a month. So that was good. (And the occupational therapist working with my dad FINALLY managed to bully them into getting a ramp out the front door, which means my dad can use a "transfer" wheelchair on days when his knees are really bad, which will make getting out to do things a lot easier and safer. And it will make using the walker safer, I think, than trying to get it down the admittedly-large-drop step from the porch (I find it a little taxing and I'm perfectly able-bodied) Yes, I will note that I had been suggesting they look into a ramp for about a year....)
So, yay normalcy.
I'm still carrying a lot of the old sadnesses that things have brought up and am not quite sure where to PUT them.
(This is an issue with me: my house and office are a mess because I don't always know where to put things I need to keep - like old student papers - but don't know where I can put them. And I'm the same way with bad feelings: I don't know where to put them once they come un-stuffed from down where I've stuffed them. I can't quite cry it out; unlike some people I can't use a chemical means of temporarily forgetting (though at the price of feeling ill the next day, I suppose), I can't rage at the people who hurt me because for all I know, they're dead. I suppose I just have to wait for them to evaporate, kind of like a flooded garden.)
Things are not so very bad: I got my big whack of scary teaching (the policy and law class, where I feel like I'm barely more knowledgeable about it than the students and have to prep the heck out of the stuff every time) done for today, and next hour is an exam. And I started Harvest (am only on the collar, but that's good, because it looks like all the fancy picking-up to knit from the top down is going to be involved and may take some time in a quiet place) so I have that to work on.
And I am nearly done with the second sleeve of Augusta, just a few more rows and I start the cap shaping.
Tentatively my student and I have plans to complete her fieldwork Saturday. I sincerely hope it doesn't rain, so we can do it. (Though if it does? Maybe I finish Augusta's sleeves and block the thing).
I had a little meltdown last night because the bread I had had got moldy, and I am down to less than a half-gallon of milk, and I was out of dental floss and WHHHHHEENNNN do I get out to take care of that? Because this afternoon I have a faculty meeting (promotion meeting for a colleague, and my opinion on it after looking at his packet is this: if they were willing to grant ME a full professorship, this guy is an absolute slam dunk for it, because he's done so much more. Dude is a machine.) and tonight is AAUW.
I am hoping there will be a short span of time between those where I can run to the wal-mart. (I did order a six-pack of dental floss - yes, feeding the gaping maw that is Amazon but that 2-day delivery, when you're busy and can't get out, is helpful). We don't have grocery delivery here; I checked on Instacart's site and NOPE. Or else I would have done it right then, because I just am not strong enough to happily brave the wal-mart right now. But whatever. (I have promised myself that I can get some kind of simple treat for dinner - either some kind of semi-instant food, or something appealing and nice - if I can get out there this afternoon)
(Piano is tomorrow, thank God for that)
I just....I'm tired and allergy-ridden and kind of sad and what I really, really, really want is a day, a whole day, in which I can do what I want, including waking up later than 4:30 am and being able to lie in bed a bit without thinking about "Welp, better get up and exercise" and being able to watch cartoons and knit and have some cooker weather (it is in the low 80s in my office right now, and HUMID).
This is just the doldrummy part of the semester, and this year I don't even get a real mid-fall break. I get that Friday off (unless the administration finds some meeting to make us go to) because of assessment testing....if I do get that day I am going SOMEWHERE. I don't care to do what - going antiquing, or going to Whitesboro, or something.
Edited to add: meeting was mercifully short, I quickly graded yesterday's labs, entered the grades, and went and obtained food. Mike (the guy from church and in the bell choir) works some days at the bank branch that's in the store saw me as I was checking out (I think he was heading off to take a break) and he ran over and hugged me and that made things a little better.
Now to practice piano and hopefully grade the exam I gave today.
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