Monday morning things

I find myself thinking of the Wendell Berry quote that Kirbanita had up on her (now-inactive) blog, Take Joy:

"In the dark of the moon, in flying snow, in the dead of winter, war spreading, families dying, the world in danger, I walk the rocky hillside, sowing clover. —Wendell Berry "

Yeah, Terrible People are doing Terrible Things. The biggest top-of-mind thing now is hearing about journalists (plural, and not just the high-profile guy all over the news) being killed for doing what they do. (And also, the high-profile guy, and what this may mean; I am already hearing people speculating about higher gas and oil prices, though who knows). And more talk of just the endless dividing-up of the human race into little cliques or tribes or whatever you want to call it.

And I was struck by the irony of that, skimming news articles to that effect in my office this morning, while I typed up the minutes* of the Wesley Center Board Meeting from yesterday.

(*I find it is good to type up minutes ASAP after a meeting; part of the reason my minutes are "good" - and people praise them as such - is that I have a good memory for what was said even if I can't always write it all down fast enough. But memory fades after a couple days, so better to get them down on paper.  And I do tend to get asked to be recording secretary, and I don't mind that AT ALL. As I said before: it's a nice, low-drama, low-profile job. You are Useful, but you don't have to do scary things like fundraising, because you are already taking the  minutes. And I suppose it helps to have an honest person who won't confabulate as the secretary, even though I do send the minutes out to the rest of the board to make sure I got everything correct.... And yes, I suspect some people would argue that it's a very 'gendered' job, in that traditionally a woman did it, but I look beyond that: it's something my specific skills suit me well for (good memory, can take notes quickly, can write and listen at the same time) and there are OTHER jobs (being in charge) I dislike, so...)

But yeah. I thought of the sad irony of the world feeling on a regular basis like it's burning down, but then that quotation popped into my head.

One other thing I did, it was a small thing, but I did it: I didn't spend all the money I had budgeted for groceries last week, so when I ran out to grab an emergency carton of milk (was getting low, and I wound up having to opt for 2% Fairlife because that was what Green Spray had) I also bought a few cans of green beans and corn, and some tuna, and a can of chili, and carried it over with me and stuck it in the Blessing Box. These are kind of like Little Free Libraries, but for food - the idea is, if you've got a little extra cash and the inclination, you buy a few boxes or cans of something and stick it in there, and if you're hungry or running a little short for the month, you stop by and take a can or two. And I suppose entirely that sometimes the donors are also recipients; that's how it works some times.

But yeah. I do find myself struck by the fact that the things I can do to help are small and simple things, and the things other people can do to mess things up seem to be big and grandiose. And I try not to be discouraged and feel like my small, simple helpful things are totally cancelled out by the larger bad, but it's hard not to.

But also: even if the world is going to Hell, I don't have to hurry it along its way.

And who knows; maybe that can of tuna or corn makes the difference to somebody, whether a student or a local person who lives near the Wesley Center.

(And yes, I know: entirely possible someone would "cheat" and take the food when they don't need it, but more and more I feel like that's on THEM, not on me, and anyway, the food put out in that box is not luxurious....so I doubt someone would take it without genuinely needing it. And hopefully most people still do have scruples.)

I also think about a comment that "Friar" made - quoting another blogger who asserted that 15% of human experience is being lived right now (because of the size of the population compared to the past). And yeah....and with social media and the 24-hour news cycle, we are hearing 100% of it, and too much of it is bad stuff. And I have to remind myself: if you were living in 1850, you wouldn't be hearing what people in the next town over were doing, let alone all of the machinations within government and the entertainment industry (outside of a few painters and magazine or novel writers and opera singers, there WAS no "entertainment industry"). And while that feels sort of....appealing....to be in one's own little bubble where the most important things are when the migrating birds show up or the fact that Deacon Smith's son is making cow-eyes at the Anderson's daughter, and maybe there will be a wedding soon...also life in 1850 was not that good in a lot of ways. Especially not if you were an unmarried woman. (Or a person of color, or a Native American, or a poor person, or....well, just about any group you might choose to name. And even at that, it's not at all clear I'd have made it out of childhood intact in a world with no antibiotics and virtually no vaccines....)

But it is hard not to feel dismay at the foolishness humanity can get itself up to. Probably what I do need to do is focus more on what species of migratory birds are coming through, and if there aren't exactly young couples in the church to make cow-eyes at each other, I can still have my friends there, and I can work on my knitting projects, and all that sort of thing. And read. I am eagerly watching my Twitter feed for Folio Society to announce their Christmas books (even though I have ordered more than I could probably afford from their fall catalog) because their Christmas catalog is always nice and there's always a book or two I want.

I also am unsettled because there is a report of someone having (intentionally) jumped off a bridge into Lake Texoma and drowning. And I wonder: is it selfish of me to pray that it's not someone I know, or a loved one of someone I know? No names and really no details have been released yet...I hope I don't wind up with yet another bereaved friend. 

And tonight is Bell Choir, and maybe, I don't know, maybe we're bringing a little light into the world with what we're doing. Or at the very least, we're there to support one another; several of us are alone in the world (unmarried or widowed or divorced; if the person has children they are often grown and gone....)

And I try to be kind to my colleagues and students. Whatever form that takes, whether it's being lenient on a due date for someone genuinely struggling or being tough with someone who isn't taking their education seriously....it's just sometimes that it does feel very small.