and another thing

I came home to a toilet with no water in the tank and it wouldn't flush.

I just...I melted down at that point. I had planned out my afternoon: practice piano, grade the exams, write the Sunday school lesson, mow the lawn (maybe that after piano lesson) and I had NO TIME.

I called my plumber of choice, was told that they'd someone out Monday if I wanted.

No, I did not want. I have but one toilet in the house.

So I turned to Twitter.

Fortunately, apparently this was the same problem Charles Hill (Dustbury) had a few weeks back and he diagnosed it for me.

And even though I had no time, I ran out to Lowe's and got the parts (the flapper was also shot, and I wonder if that kept the toilet running while I was out of the house, and killed off the flush assembly).

It took some work but I fixed it but yeah, the exams aren't likely getting graded today. (I considered trying to find my piano teacher's number and calling her and telling her not to come, but I guess it's okay now: I have 20 minutes of practice left to do. I might try to quickly right my Sunday school lesson first (it's gonna be a slapdash job this week, I can tell you that).

But, yeah. It was upsetting. And of course, no one to comfort me left me sobbing after I hung up with the plumber and raging all the way to the Lowe's and all the way back (and, of course, there was THAT ONE DRIVER who wanted to run a stop sign when he had the stop and I had the right of way).


I dunno. I kind of wonder why my life now is running from crisis to crisis, is what it feels like a lot, and it makes the more Calvinistic side of me wonder what I'm being punished for.

Though I admit, the violence of the emotion I feel in situations like this is a little scary to me. I have zero chill when it gets to that, I know exactly what triggers it: feeling overwhelmed because of too many things to do, and trying to very precisely slot them in to time slots so I can get them done and MAYBE, MAYBE have a tiny prayer of having a few precious minutes to do what *I* want instead of what I must do for work, or clean house, or whatever. I was like a mad thing this afternoon, both driving over and back to the Lowe's, muttering imprecations under my breath and raging at the universe.

(Oh, I was nice enough when I walked into the Lowe's, yes, I am still that civilized. And one of the workers was actually helpful, pointed out what I needed and gave me advice that "this set of toilet guts" (I cannot remember now what the proper name is) "is a couple bucks more than the most basic set, but I will tell you it's quieter when it fills and it's also sturdier" and I took his advice. (He also advised me to go with the basic rather than the deluxe flapper because "you have to replace them so often anyway, it's not worth paying double the price")

But yeah. How angry and also how sad I can get when I'm overwhelmed scares me a little bit some times.

(Insert .jpg here of that meme of the Japanese kid saying "Is this a pigeon?" as he points to a butterfly, but instead it being me, saying "is this menopause?" when I point to the rage I feel, because it is a wee tiny bit like I remember adolescence being...)

Anyway. I am hoping something goes smoothly for a while. Because I'm tired.

And it does get tiring having to be the one to comfort myself when things go wrong, because I also get pushed to comfort other people, and a lot of time it doesn't feel reciprocal, like I always comfort and never get comforted.

I may still be able to get the lawn mowed tonight. It's hellishly hot out there though and I really don't want to, but I am afraid the city will come after me. (It's supposed to rain tomorrow afternoon). I could just say "forget it" and let them come after me and let them send someone out and charge and fine me, and just count it as the price of trying to do too much, I don't know. (The kid who did mow my lawn earlier has hurt his back and cannot, and I'm not hiring a service because they all want a contract to do it, and also a lot of them, you have to keep calling to get them to come out).

but yeah. I kind of just want to lie down for a long time and not get up.


Edited to add:

Well, my piano teacher forgot (she works long hours, and anyway, this wasn't the normal day for it). Around six I went out and started edging on the grounds of "if she shows up I can always quit." Got the lawn edged and mowed and decided that I was going to - for once - ignore Sonic's menu-shaming calorie counts and get a chicken strip dinner and the biggest cherry limeade they had

 Yeah, that's pretty big.

(Post lawnmowing hair and shiny face, my apologies)

But: I got the New Girl. Who told me "oh, no, you can't sub fries for tots, but I will sell you a small fries" and I was like "but they subbed fries before" and she was like "no" and I was like "okay whatever but I will be throwing the tots out"

And then after I paid (with a credit card, because getting to the bank for cash was beyond me today) she came back on and said "yeah, we're voiding your order and you'll have to pay again because we can sub fries for tots" and it saved me a buck so yay, I guess? but this feels like it's been the day of everything being several times harder than it should be.

(the carhop, a more experienced employee, apologized for the New Girl. And I was able to ask her if they put in the gravy (they did) and I tipped her reasonably generously for Sonic)

But yeah. Am beat. Am almost hoping it's raining tomorrow morning so we won't have fieldwork....