Monday, July 09, 2018

Kind of unsettled

Went in, worked for a while this morning. Decided when noon rolled around that I'd come home for lunch. Driving home, I thought about what I'd have (heat up a black bean patty and some vegetables) and about what tea I'd fix.

Then I pulled in and got out of my car. About a block down the street (to the south) a man and a woman were standing on opposite sides of the street. No big deal, right? Well, they were screaming at each other. (I don't know them but I guess they were, on some level, a couple). They were either breaking up or having a fight, I don't know.

I didn't hear a lot of what was said (as I said, they were about a block away) but I did hear the woman scream "YOU'RE DEAD TO ME" and the guy said something else I didn't catch and I stood there with one hand on my trashcart wondering if I should call the cops. (FWIW, because I know this is sometimes an issue: both members of the couple were white). I decided to put my trashcart up and if they were still going at it when I was done I'd call the non emergency number.

But by then, he had apparently stalked off - I am guessing either she, or both of them, lived in the house she was yelling from the porch of, and he walked off to the west.

I don't know. I guess it was good I didn't call the police? I never know how to react to people who are that angry out in public. Anger scares me, especially when two people are fighting in that way. I don't know when things are going to escalate to violence and when things are just blowing off steam. Part of this is that when I'm really angry, I have two basic modes:

1. Get up, excuse myself, and just walk away. This was what I typically did as a teenager when I'd get SO ANGRY in the way teenagers sometimes did. (Heh. I remember once after arguing with my dad one winter day, and stalking out of the house and walking down the street, I found a $5 bill half-buried in the snow)

2. Saying to the other person, "I'm really angry with you right now and I can't talk about this in an intelligent way" and excusing myself.

Or, actually, there is a 3:


Yeah, I don't like that either. But there have been a few times when I was either SO frustrated by a situation (some idiocy of bureaucracy) or so overwhelmed by circumstances (two people in a meeting having a screaming fight with each other, and I was just an unwilling witness, and was in no way a participant). I will say at times the crying "works," in a sense (both the people who were screaming at each other realized later how childish they were being and apologized to me, though I don't know if they ever actually worked out their differences.)

But yeah. I don't know how to react to other people's anger because I tend to figure it's going to turn violent quickly.

And also, another thought: I was just having another day of feeling bad over being single, and then I see this. And yes, I get that the majority of relationships are not like that, but again makes me feel like human relationships are too difficult and too fraught, and maybe it really is better off that I'm alone.

I also have a headache today. No idea if it's because we're supposed to get rain (I think some kind of a front is due in) or allergies (grass pollen is really high and the neighbors immediately to the south of me are back on their thing of never mowing) or what.

I was hoping for a call from the quilt shop that my most-recent quilt was done (it's still a couple weeks away from the 10-week timeframe she quoted though) but the only message was from my doctor; the phlebotomist will be on vacation so I have to change my blood-draw appointment.(And of course, until I retrieved the message, I worried what the call could have been about)

And it's still hot and humid out, and I just feel kind of tired and at loose ends and sad. 

Yeah, it's Monday all day long.

ETA: Well, at least I called the phlebotomist and got her and she was super nice and apologetic about having for me to reschedule my appointment but you know? When a patient makes an appointment six months in advance, they kind of have to be ready for there to be the occasional glitch. (And honestly, remembering several years ago when my doctor left the clinic she was at and I worried for about six months about whether I'd find her again, or if I'd have to audition new doctors - having to change the day of my bloodwork is NOTHING.) I told the phlebotomist it didn't really matter since I wasn't teaching this summer, I could be flexible. It's only five days earlier that I have to go in, and it's a Friday, so it's NBD.

I've had to re-make dental check-up appointments before when it turned out the dentist was going to be at a conference when my six-months appointment was scheduled. I can imagine (because people) that some people would be angry or upset about that, but I get that people have lives and, like I said, sometimes you just have to roll with it. And this time, it was easy for me to do another day.

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