Thursday, May 10, 2018

Trying not to

I'm still kind of sad and bummed out over different things.

(At least my mom's Mother's Day gift didn't get lost in the mail: it didn't get delivered when I expected it would, but she called me today to say it had arrived. Because what do you do when a gift you send someone gets lost in the mail? I mean, for a kid, I'd probably buy a new one, even if it was an *expensive* thing, but for an it better to just tell them or is it better to scramble and hope Amazon two-day delivery can make it? I don't know. I wouldn't want someone on a fixed income to expend even MORE money on me, but I confess I would also be disappointed inside at a gift lost in the mail)

I'm just...I think I'm over tired and also had to deal with too many difficult human interactions (And I am being plagued with "Unknown Caller" calls from 208-918-8360, which is apparently a known robocaller though no one who has picked up has been able to determine just what it is, so maybe it's a malfunctioning robocaller? I got a call at 9:25 last night which made me angry, because I thought even the scammy robocallers abided by the "no calls between 9 pm and 8 am" thing)

I dunno. I have been trying hard to be very conscious of the "wanting to eat my feelings" thing because that's something I sometimes do (and I also have candy in the house right now, because I bought some Swedish Fish and also some of those "Smashmallow" marshmallows when I was out shopping).

And I also have to be careful not to "buy my feelings" because I'm prone to do that too - I admit I browsed Amazon for a bit after having to make that concerning phone call this afternoon but I didn't order anything. So right now, I'm sitting here hugging a toy I've had for a couple years, my Pigasus, and trying to feel better:

(Yes, Pigasus is what you guessed - a stuffed pig with tiny little wings. Another creation by Aurora, the company that made - at least for a while, I don't know if they still do - excellent plush versions of the Ponies. Pigasus even has an appliqued heart in the same location where ponies have their cutie marks)

But yeah. Part of it is a big family holiday coming up and my being far from family and also not being someone who has a family of her own, and so again I wonder just where I DO fit in. Or maybe I don't, I don't know. Part of it is finding out a few other things left undone that I'm now expected to do (the latest: review a potential new textbook for the gen-ed course, and of course if it's adopted, that means totally changing the slides I use with my lectures to sub in the new book's diagrams and charts, and that's always a giant pain because of how the textbook companies do.)

I intended to come home today and work on quilts but my day got eaten up with interpersonal stuff and then I had to work out and practice piano when I finally did get home.

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