On the road

Science fair judging today. Just a couple of thoughts:

1. As is typical for Science Fair Day, we are having thunderstorms. I was awakened by one. They may be bad when I'm driving home. (One year they had to tell us all where we could go to shelter if the tornado sirens went off).

2. If there is some newsie type there looking for b-roll commentary on the whole education funding mess, and I get a microphone shoved in my face, I am taking a hard pass. My only reactions to this will be emotional at this point and that's not useful.

3. And yeah, I kind of fear that the whole education-funding mess is gonna be in my face all day long, and will be a nagging backdrop.

4. Because: the ongoing issues (I had hoped a clean bill would be signed, people would go back to work, and stupid stuff would stop falling out of certain legislator's mouth)  are starting to remind me of spring 2016, when I had that stomach virus+stress that turned into gastritis - where I was on and off sick for 5 months. And I remember the despair I felt then: that life would never be normal again, that things I wanted to do (specifically: eating certain foods) I would never be able to do again, and that the problem (despite having gone and got a diagnosis) was sufficiently dire that it would wind up killing me. And while this isn't exactly like that, it has a similar feel - the "I thought this was over? Why hasn't it resolved?" and the sense of chaos and non-normalcy.

(I also confess some fear that the Leg. is going to further gut the higher-ed budget to fund common ed: robbing Peter to pay Paul.)

5. I'm just TIRED, y'all. This has been a nightmare semester. I am dealing with a few demanding students, a few completely-uncommunicative students, students with big problems. I am still upset over what happened yesterday. I really need someone to sit with me and make me a cup of tea and say soothing things to me but I have no one in my vicinity to do that. (So: I confess that some of the population of "imaginary friends" who still reside in my head despite my being a grown-butt adult pop up and I put the words in their mouths that I would like someone to say to me except all my colleagues are too awkward or self-absorbed or worried with their own problems, and the people I count as friends here in town don't really grasp the full depths of my unhappiness because I don't tell them because I'm afraid I'll start crying and not be able to stop)

And now, I have to figure out what I have to wear that is neither too hot nor too cold, that has pockets, and that I can wear with shoes that won't destroy my knees after being on my feet for 6 hours straight or so.