Friday, November 17, 2017

Hanging in there

Friends have reassured me that it's common to keep older people in hospital overnight as a "safety" thing (to make sure nothing else is wrong, and yeah, he's on a blood thinner, so any injury could trigger later bleeding). And I guess he was in a lot of pain; a couple other times he either refused to go, or, the other ER visit in 2016, he insisted on going home.

My mom said she'd call tonight. I figure not getting a call before then is good news. I'm hoping the result is that he gets sent home today, or, failing that, they have some therapy they can do that will lead to improvement quickly. I suppose the other option is they send him to a "rehab center" or somesuch (which he would hate) to try to build up strength and balance. (He was doing PT, but had some other health issues that interfered a bit).

I slept okay - surprisingly - but had that other weird sensation upon waking: a brief moment of feeling like everything was okay, followed almost immediately by the "oh, no..." of remembering the worry of last night. (There MUST be a word for that: perhaps in German or one of the Scandinavian languages).

At least I have this weekend "off," except for writing the exams ahead. I'm still feeling not-too-great; the cold has progressed to the "mucus congestion" stage and I've started taking guafenisin to hopefully prevent chest congestion (though I find it also helps with sinus congestion). Yes, it's OK to take with my other meds, I made sure to check on that years back.

I just, my main sensation about this is DO NOT WANT. Partly for my dad's sake, because I know it sucks mightily to be in hospital and not be able to do what you want (apparently they also marked him down for "heart healthy diet" and my mom says the soup they brought him last night was inedible, and then they wouldn't even let him have ice cream, because....heart healthy.)

But I admit, partly selfishly for my own sake. It's hard for me not to worry and to look ahead and go, "Okay, these are the things I have to think about for when he's gone" and I'm not ready to contemplate all of that yet. And I also feel like, after a hard semester and year in general, it's not right to have to face up to THIS, too. Like 2016 was, this year has been a year of, "REALLY? this TOO?" events.

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