I give up

on top of being exhausted and worried all the time about Policy and Law and if I'm doing a good enough job, the class I have RIGHT after that (scheduling back-to-back 75 minute classes should be against the Geneva Convention) has several athletes from the same team (not football) who SIT AND GIGGLE.

I have glared at them. I have paused and stopped to look at them. I have asked "is there a question." They know I'm annoyed by it but I guess I'm going to have to actually call them out in the next class, which makes me sick to my stomach to even contemplate.

I'm just....I feel fried right now. I feel like nothing I can do has any beneficial effect anywhere. But I still care too much about doing "a good job" to start phoning it in. I don't know.

This evening I have to help feed the college-student ministry so I need to get home & eat lunch so I can rush back here and prep tomorrow's lab, and do more Policy and Law reading, and and and and.

This is why I have little patience for what's going on in the outside world. I'm just TIRED, y'all, and it does seem like nothing I'm doing makes a dent. And I'm still worried some Bright Light in the legislature will hit upon the idea of balancing the state budget by either (a) closing a few regional unis or (b) cutting our budgets even further.

I dunno. I guess it's the lot of adulthood to go through your life feeling unappreciated and disrespected, but I didn't realize I'd react so strongly to it. I mean, given that I spent my whole childhood disrespected by my peers, you'd think I'd be used to it.

I need tea. And food. Some kind of food...

I know I'm boring you. Shoot, I bore myself a lot of the time. And maybe this is just me finally growing up and realizing you can't do anything to change things or fix things and just to give up and enjoy yourself and maybe phone it in a little more than I do so I can have more time to knit or sleep or read. I don't know.

I really will be glad when next semester arrives and I don't have a new prep any more. New preps are awful and now I honestly wonder how I managed to do three back in the fall of 1999. I suppose the answer is I was a lot younger then, but....