Saturday, May 06, 2017

Trying for better

I'm still kind of sad and cranky about my unexpected afternoon over at work. (The biggest thing: I didn't think it through and should have brought knitting; it took the person nearly three hours to make up the exam and the final they needed to make up). I did clean my office, which means I have a bit of a headache this morning from the dust I stirred up.

Sunday school lesson is done, at least, and in a moment I have to dress for the day (it feels gross to me to lie around in pajamas this long but I got involved with the lesson while eating breakfast) and practice piano (which I entirely skipped yesterday, and I need to e-mail my teacher to see if she'd be up for summer lessons and get more disciplined about playing).

Graduation is this afternoon, which means I won't REALLY be able to totally relax until it's over because I'll have one eye on the clock worrying about being late. (That's the downside of being a prompt person: you worry about being late and can't relax until some obligation is over).

I still feel like I want some kind of a treat but have no idea when that might be obtained; right now I'm committed through Monday and maybe Tuesday.

It doesn't help that there are apparently fiber-fests and comic-cons in some parts of the country. Unlike the Puritans, who allegedly feared someone somewhere was having fun, I feel faintly sad and jealous at the idea that someone somewhere is having more fun than I am.

Never mind that most comic-cons would be far more overwhelming and crowded than I could deal with.

I dunno. Part of it is probably a sense of taken-for-grantedness. And disappointment: even though I said these were very amenable classes, I had kind of a record number of "hey, is there any extra credit I could do" or "did you really compute my grade right?" requests and I don't know, but when you're tired at the end of the semester and have just spent eight hours grading, those kind of feel like the worst thing ever. (I also just don't get the people who ask for stuff like after-the-final extra credit: I CAN'T GIVE IT. IT IS NOT FAIR TO THE OTHER STUDENTS TO MAKE EXTRA CREDIT JUST FOR YOU. Even IF I wanted to give extra credit, which I do not want to)

Last night, I finished trimming up the blocks, and just kind of threw together an arrangement - didn't worry too much about "same pattern" being next to each other, just tried to distribute the colors by filling in a grid pattern on paper. (Note to self: do that more often instead of waiting until you can get somewhere with a big expanse of floor to lay out the quilt; there is less deliberation and it probably won't look any worse than you agonizing over it for an hour).

I sewed the first row but then was too tired to do any more. (Had I been able to spend yesterday at home? The top would be done.)

I didn't sleep all that well last night. Kept having dreams where people needed stuff from me, or where there was some complicated situation I had to resolve and I'm sure it's tied to my having been upset about stuff didn't help.

I dunno. This is one of those times where I imagine, even as hard as raising a kid would be, how nice it would be to have a small person in the house who would at least once in a while hug me and tell me they loved me and stuff. Because a lot of the time I feel more taken for granted than loved.....

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