Sorry, gotta vent

Three things, from biggest to smallest:

1. The local Wal-mart. I knew they were planning a 'remodel' and I was kind of dreading it. Well, this afternoon I was getting low on milk and also didn't know what to fix for dinner so I thought I'd run out and get milk and see what appealed to me.

BAD IDEA.

For one thing, apparently a lot of people just got paid or something and EVERYONE was there. For another: the remodel started. Womp womp. I could not find ANYTHING. I shop by "position" - I know which aisle is supposed to have the canned fruit, etc. When they move stuff, it upsets my internal GPS, I get cranky, I can't find what I need. Also, the aisle they were moving the canned fruit to was so mobbed with workers and ladders and stuff I didn't even bother with it.

And then, someone there had her several kids with her, and they were doing that kid game of "Let's see who can scream the loudest and at the highest frequency and make it bounce off the rafters" and she was doing NOTHING to encourage them to be quiet. I actually stopped and put my hands over my ears because of the level of pain it was causing me.

So I got my milk, and a punnet of raspberries (and I wound up having to pick a couple moldy ones out already. I need to give up on wal-mart for fresh produce) and a jar of red cabbage and some yogurt. Yeah, not exactly dinner food. I might make a pizza, I have all I need for that (flour and yeast (I think I have yeast) for the crust, a can of tomatoes, and mozzarella cheese) or maybe I do go to the local bbq place tonight and get carry out. I don't know.

But I'm furious - what kind of an idiot decision was it to remodel the store with all its disruption starting one week before school? And it's supposed to take THREE MONTHS.

I admit it: I kind of unloaded on the cashier when she asked me if I found everything "ok." "No," I said, "I couldn't find a blessed thing" (and yes, I did say "blessed," I am a lady) "and this is a really bad time for doing this and I also gave up because someone's kids were screaming." And yeah, wal-mart can't do anything about that last (though if they were sane and humane to their customers, they'd put soundproof tiles up and lower the ceilings) but I hope enough people are complaining about this remodel.

As for me? I'm planning a trip to Sherman Friday afternoon and boy DARN am I going to stock up. I cleaned out my freezer the other day so I may even buy some meat ahead and package it up so that I can avoid the wal-mart as much as possible from here on out.

If they are thinking, "The longer we keep them in the store, the more they buy," they are wrong in my case. Make your customers peeved and they buy less.

If we even are getting an Albertson's, it can't come fast enough.

2. My Doki Doki box came. It was MOSTLY good (and I now have a new "cute little notebook" to keep my blood pressure readings in when I fill up the Hello Kitty one) but the t-shirt they sent me is damaged - the design is partly worn off, and it doesn't look like that pseudo-hipster "artistic" weathering that American Eagle and places used to do. I've got an e-mail in to them but if it's supposed to be "artistic" weathering, then I'm stuck, and it's just not a good look.

oh well, I'd probably only wear it as pajamas anyway. It has Japanese writing (or Korean, maybe, I think Rilakkuma is a Korean cartoon?) on it and unless I know what it actually says I'm not wearing it.

(Well, okay: they e-mailed me back. Yeah, it's supposed to look "artistically weathered." Fine. It doesn't look that well-done to me as an "artistic" job but what do I know? I guess I go ahead and wash the shirt up though. Wish I knew what it said, though - I wouldn't want to wear something "out" that said something terrible on it. I think one of my colleagues reads a little Japanese, I might take it in to see if he can tell me)

3. I'm just feeling sad and a little needy and doubtful of my own abilities. And I know it's an intellectual/emotional mismatch: intellectually I know I've accomplished a lot, that I'm doing a lot, but emotionally I just feel kind of drained and sad and like nothing I've done really has much of an impact.

part of this is, I think, that I started three new pieces for the piano last week and don't feel like I'm making enough progress on any of them and I confess the exercise-book piece for this week just doesn't interest me and isn't that fun to do, but I feel like I have to fight through it.

maybe I need to commission one of the people who does Pony art to draw me a cute drawing of Applejack dressed as a cheerleader. (My inner cheerleader, as much as I have one, sounds in my head like Applejack).

I need to do more piano practice and then get in a workout. I had to be over early today for the active shooter stuff so I didn't feel like taking the time first thing in the morning. Maybe after that I will feel more clarity and will be able to decide "make a pizza or go out and get barbecue" I don't know.