Monday, August 08, 2016

And more thoughts

The mark of a good story is being able to see different layers to it. I was thinking about that fanfiction I linked yesterday (I liked it and I also found it touching and imaginative). But stuffed!Pinkie's comment, when she was going through the horror of the transport:

"Whatever I did, Creator....I'm sorry."

That strikes me again because how many times earlier this year - how many times throughout my past, frankly - have I looked Heavenward and in a fit of exasperation said, "just show me what I did that was so awful and that You are punishing me for and I will change but I genuinely cannot see what I have done so wrong and this punishment feels very not fair"

But of some cases, that "punishment" is simply a consequence of living in the world we live in (this is the best answer I can come up with to what CS Lewis called The Problem of Pain).

In a few cases, the short term pain was "growing pains" on the way to something better. Best example of this in my life was being asked to leave the first graduate program. It was not a good fit for me but I was so entrenched with my little apartment and my little routine that I didn't want to acknowledge that it wasn't....and so the being-asked-to-leave was the slap upside the head I needed to make a change, and when I did (went to another program) I was much more successful. But in the days after the asked-to-leave, it was INTENSELY painful. Painful to the point that the prof who told me - when I was crying in his office - asked me if I had someone to spend the weekend with (he didn't want me, I suspect, hurting myself - and that made me angry and I roared at him that I wasn't! that! kind! of! person!). Painful enough that I walked around town trying to see if I could find a restaurant seeking a waitress, thinking, "Maybe, just maybe I could earn enough money waiting tables to pay my rent and keep a little food on the table and that's all I'll ever really do" (knowing now what I know about minimum wage jobs, I could not have kept that apartment).

But yeah....maybe I'm reading way more into the story but that line struck me in a lot of different ways.

* My August Doki Doki crate has shipped. I'm....apprehensive. They have talked about how they "changed up" how they are doing the crates based on the result of a survey, and sadly, the majority responses were the opposite of mine:

- people wanted fewer but larger, more expensive items
- people wanted more "practical" and less-silly items
- people wanted "apparel" (we had to send in our t-shirt sizes and I am really hoping that they are standard unisex sized t-shirts and not shirts-sized-for-the-statistically-smaller-non-US body or "lady sized" shirts. I requested a Large which is generously sized on me now in a man's shirt (a Medium would maybe work but be tight in the chest) but I know from sad experience some of the extreme "girly sized" shirts, a Large won't quite work....or rather, it will be so tight on me I'd be uncomfortable wearing it in public. I know at one time those "baby t-shirts" were a thing, where young women bought a shirt that was a ridiculous number of sizes too small for them and wore it proudly, but I'm a grown woman and am too old for that....and anyway, even when I was a silly 18 year old I was too old for that)

So I don't know. Part of me wants to scream, "Why does every dang little thing have to change just when I get in a groove where I"m happy?" It's a small thing. I give them two more months on this; if I am dissatisfied with what I get in both of those boxes, I'll just cancel. I'd be sad, but I'd be sadder spending $30 a month to be disappointed.

But, argh. Those little surprise boxes were one of the truly bright spots of my month. I wonder if there's anywhere else that does a "small cute toys" box (or failing that, a yarn or fabric box). Lots of places do candy boxes but there are a lot of candies I can't or won't eat (mostly because of tooth issues: I pulled a crown out once on some caramel and I never want to repeat that).

I hope I'm totally wrong and that the "fewer larger items" means better stuff.

* And yeah, I can see now that I'm slimmer than I used to be, especially through the "high waist" (right below where the band of the sports-bra sits when I'm putting it on to do a workout). Not sure how that happened, whether it's the interspersing the dance-workout video with the cross-country exerciser workouts, or if it's possibly an effect of the probiotic? I've seen some very small scale work suggesting that gut flora can even affect *obesity* - with the idea that if you change a person's gut flora, maybe you change their tendency to keep and store fat. I don't know. I'm just glad for the change because I know they say "upper abdominal fat" is the really bad one. (right now, most of the "fat" I am carrying seems to be thighs and right below the navel, but even the "potbelly" (and UGH how I hate that word) I've had since I was 13 seems a bit smaller now than it once was)

So a more fitted t-shirt works better. I'm not going to go to the extreme my mom has sometimes gone to - she requires a Small and they can be hard to find so at times she's accepted a medium and then re-seamed the sides to nip it in in the waist.

I think I will continue to require Larges because of the shoulders - I have proportionally broad shoulders for a woman. And my bustline hasn't changed any and I've learned from sad experience that too-tight sometimes gets you attention of a kind you don't necessarily want.

* Am now wondering, given the relative success of toad-in-the-hole, if I could make something like a crustless quiche and maybe put canned salmon in it (instead of the higher-salt ham or bacon many quiches have). Or even bulk sausage meat, if I could find one lower in salt. (Crustless quiche would be less work and also less total fat/carbohydrates because of no crust - most quiche crusts are pretty rich, in my experience). Or used smoked trout....I can't get my favorite kind ("Cole's Trout") any more, the natural-foods store quit selling it, but I can get a Bumblebee smoked trout that's still pretty good.

And yes, I think breaking up sausage and distributing it more evenly (or using something like bulk sausage) would be a good way to do toad-in-the-hole. (Heck, you might even be able to do it with seasoned wouldn't be toad-in-the-hole, it would be a bit more like Beer Hall Pie, but it would still be good)

* I finished the body and did most of a front leg on Horsey McHorseface yesterday evening. I should have this pattern memorized by now; I've made it over 10 times. But I don't.

I think the next amigurumi might be the Trixie I bought a Nerdy Knitter pattern for. Or I might take a break for a bit - I also want to finish the Raven Pullover.

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