Friday, June 10, 2016

anticipation vs. apprehension

I once opined that the secret to happiness in life was having things to look forward to. Even if those things are small. (This is why, even though I could economize a BIT by cutting it out, I still get the Doki Doki crate once a month: I have on piece of mail guaranteed to make me happy, in among all the bills, the fliers from politicians, and the ads from payday-loan places)

But also, I find few things can affect my mood badly like something I kind of-sort of dread. Last week it was the dental checkup (which turned out well, both from the standpoint of my getting the nod right away that my teeth were fine, rather than having to wait for the dentist - who was supposed to be absent that day - to read my x-rays in my absence - and from the standpoint that, well, my teeth were fine so barring an emergency I don't need to go back for a week).

This week it's a trip. I, back when I was so very freaked out about Post-Tenure Review and also the idea of making myself seem as indispensible as possible, applied to one of the small societies I belong to to possibly fund some research I want to do. The problem is, like many of the small groups in this state, their meetings are all either in Tulsa or OKC.

So I got an e-mail back from a higher-up in the group: we don't normally fund research but why don't you come to the business meeting in Tulsa in June? In fact, I'll put you on the agenda.

I didn't feel like I could say no, and anyway, being able to show the initiative of seeking out "alternative" funding (when a lot of the typical sources have dried up) is a good thing.

But. That's tomorrow. It's in Tulsa, a three hour drive away. And the meeting is at 10 am. (I don't know how late it lasts; I sincerely hope it's not more than a couple hours OR that if it's all-day, I can graciously duck out at lunch, citing responsibilities at church the following day). I'm leaving here at 6 am because that allows me an hour for bad traffic or getting lost.

I THINK I know pretty well where it is; I printed out a bunch of maps from the Internet (I don't do in-car GPS units, and anyway, they can be catastrophically wrong at times). It seems to be in a fairly ritzy area: at any rate, there's a preparatory school nearby and a shopping center described as "upscale" somewhat close. Not that I plan on doing any shopping - I think this is going to be a go in, say my piece, and leave as soon as I graciously can type of affair. (I will need to plan for lunch but even if it means grabbing what McDonald's passes off as yogurt while on the road, I can do that)

But I'm apprehensive. Because this involves (a) driving in a city that is unfamiliar to me (my last go-round of driving in Tulsa - on the way to Bartlesville, when a student and I were going to tour the Tallgrass Prairie Preserve - was not fun. But I'm telling myself that was because it was at 5 pm on a weekday, and early morning on a Saturday should be different. And also, I'm getting off and onto "surface streets" really before Tulsa proper, as the place I need to go is south of the big downtown loop of interstates. And (b) I'm going to be around people I mostly don't know. I know one member of the group for sure, and there might be others in it I've met over the years, but no one extremely familiar. And (c). I'm having to ask for something, and it's kind of a "special" ask, in the sense that it's something they don't normally do, and it makes all the Guess Culture parts of my being rebel and shrink up in horror.

And I know, I know: you should do the things that scare you and this isn't very big-league scary, but I don't like driving a six-hour round trip for something like this. (I AM taking the turnpike as much as I can; traffic on that is less and it's better maintained. Bad traffic and poor roads are two of the things that make driving woeful for me.)

Also, I'm going to have to reduce the trips to Sherman for....geez, as long as 6 months? Because they've decided to "renovate" (tear up the concrete and replace with blacktop) the highway between here and there. And they're saying "120 to 180 days," and knowing how the local road construction I've seen lately has gone, I'm figuring it will be at LEAST 180. We were told to expect it down to 1-lane between here and Calera, and my thought was, "pfft, they'll just one-lane the little section they are working on at the time." NNNNNNnnnnooope. The whole interstate, north and south bound, has been cut down to one lane - and, as is typical of drivers these days, MOST folks don't bother with the "Hey, ya'll, this is a good time to merge" signs that the state so helpfully puts up, but roar on ahead in the left lane, fully expecting drivers will let them in. Which of course some drivers do, or the rude driver just bulls his or her way in and you let them, fearing an accident. (They had a cop there, and frankly, I thought that cop should have been motioning all the rude drivers over and giving them AT LEAST warnings that "not merging when you're asked to merge is not cool" but he wasn't).

It irritates me because I happen to be one of the people who sees the "left lane closed ahead" sign and gets into the right lane as soon as it's safe to (if I'm not there already), so by the time I get to "Hey, ya'll, merging is a good idea now" I'm already merged. And the rude drivers snarl up traffic for the rule-following ones, which is just one of those unfairnesses of life that really gets me down.

They're asking us to use "alternate routes" which is kind of a joke. Oh, I can take Leavenworth Trail and get on and off the interstate south of the construction, I guess, but that's a pain and adds considerably to travel time (though maybe with all the idiocy of the rude drivers, the time will be about the same). (And already people in some of the small towns on the alternate routes are complaining about the increased traffic. Write your congressperson, people. Some people gotta go to Texas. I don't gotta, but sometimes I wanna.)

So anyway: the idea of "quick" runs to Sherman for groceries or to look for the new magazines is gone for now; I have to plan an Expotition, as Pooh might say. So once again I start to feel a little isolated and sad. I remember when I first moved here it did feel like a giant effort to go to Sherman. For one thing, there was less stuff there than there is now. For another, I was not used to the half-hour drive-time concept: having lived in a town where most shopping was clustered about 10 minutes away from where I lived, and there were even some fun little shops within walking distance, it felt very REMOTE to have people suggesting things like driving an hour's round trip to go out to dinner at a fairly ordinary chain restaurant like Applebee's. And I was so busy that first year - I remember making a trek about once every six weeks, and otherwise shopping at the Winn-Dixie, which is now long gone.

(And as for in-state options: the nearest town with anything like decent shopping is Ardmore, just about an hour away, and it's even worse for getting around in - and its "bad" areas are worse - than Sherman/Dension is. I actually spent some time last night on Google maps, searching vainly for any kind of larger, non-wal-mart grocery store between here and Ardmore or as far up as Atoka, and there is NOTHING. I think it's probably because of the state liquor laws that bigger groceries don't bother with us - I know the profit margin on booze is higher than on food - and also we do tend to be very rural and spread out and I guess people are used to getting the fresh stuff at minimarts or the like. But I admit I'm not, really, and I would like access to a large, good, dedicated supermarket, and one that doesn't leave its produce out on the hot loading dock like the local wal-mart appears to (it's in poor condition every time I've looked at it; I mainly buy "hard" things like potatoes there and take my chances on what items the Green Spray might have for the more delicate produce)

And yeah, I get these are very First World Problems and all that, and based on the societal-collapse people's predictions, there will come a day - perhaps not too far off - when even the sat-on, overheated wal-mart produce will look like a blessing to me. But, I don't know. I'd rather live nicely until the situation is such that I can no longer do so (if that situation ever comes; I am not convinced it will) and it makes me sad that it's so hard, sometimes, to obtain a little fun around here.

(And yes, many people have complained to wal-mart about the produce. It does no good.)

There's supposed to be a farmer's market here tomorrow, but of course by the time it opens I will have been on the road for an hour or two, and it will close for the day before I can hope of getting back here.

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