Driving around town

So at the meeting Wednesday night, before the meeting, I commented about the pad I saw being poured and speculated that that was the Aldi's we've been rumored to get for at least eight years.

Nope. It's another stupid strip mall development. We have about eight of these all over town and most of them are standing mostly empty. Not sure why builders build these "on spec" when we don't have enough businesses in town (and more are closing, it seems, every day) to fill them. Tax write off? Maybe?

But someone else said, "Oh, but we're getting an Albertson's" which made me momentarily hopeful: we will actually have a large, dedicated grocery that doesn't randomly change product lines because they can't push for a cheaper deal from the distributor? We will have another grocery to draw off some of the afternoon crowds? The person mentioned where it was going so I made a mental note to drive out there and see.

Well, I drove through the whole area, on both parallel streets (Chuckwa and Wilson) where it was supposedly going and saw NO signs of construction. And moreover, this is one of the quietly ritzy parts of town, so I doubt the people living there would permit something as traffic-generating as a competitor to the Wal-mart to build there. I guess the person got some really wildly bad information and just passed it on without checking.

Also, a side observation: there are a shocking number of large, nice houses on the west side of town. I didn't know we had that many rich folk. And now I wonder: where do THEY buy their groceries? I never seem to run into any of the people I know that live out that way at the Wal-mart. Is there a secret rich-person cabal where they employ someone to go to Dallas once a week and shop at the better groceries for them? Do they all just have TIME to make the trips somewhere else to shop? Is this why we will never get a good big grocery store?

Yes, that's Tinfoil Hattie territory but I do wonder at the number of quite large and nice houses on large parcels of land when the economy here seems so depressed. We don't have THAT many doctors and I don't think ranching makes that much dough (though some of the just-out-of-town lots did have small herds on them).

But I also admit some frustration.....I admit I looked at those houses and thought, "wow, that's nicer and bigger than what I will ever live in" and also how they must never have problems with having enough room for their books (I'm going to have to cull the herd yet again, I think) and they probably almost never get waked up by street noise at night when they're that far back from a road less-traveled than mine. (Yeah. Ironically, worrying about having enough money makes me jealous in ways I should not be. And yes, I said to myself, "You should be HAPPY you have even a ROOF over your head" but I admit I looked longingly at some of those nice houses).

Also, another way in which I am not a very good Christian or a very good person: I am not good at giving constantly without feeling resentment. I remembered today that I signed up to feed the college-student ministry (which just started up and we want to keep going) the week after spring break, and when I signed up - in less budget-worried times - I said I'd get submarine sandwiches. And I realized, that's coming out of this month's Discretionary Budget. And I felt slightly cranky about that. (Yes, I will keep the receipt, I can probably write it off next year). But some people, I know, feel perfectly okay with spending their entire discretionary budget on helping others (the regular cutesy-news stories of some child who asked for donations for some cause instead of birthday presents. I would never have been that good a child). Or with giving all their time - this is my big problem - when someone asks for an appointment at a time I'd not otherwise be around, or when someone asks me for help (when they COULD ask someone else), but I say "yes" and I feel kind of resentful later. Or when I cook food I'm not going to get to eat for something. And I see people who seem to do that all the time and find great joy in it, and I wonder how I'm broken that I can't, that I get resentful...

I suspect part of it is that I sometimes feel like there isn't reciprocation. (I had a dream the other night - this is another one of those things-breaking dreams - where I was driving down the interstate and a dashboard light I had NEVER SEEN BEFORE came on, and I didn't know what it was for, and I figured it was bad, so I pulled off to the side and cars kept whipping by me and no one stopped to see if I was okay and I couldn't find my cell phone and I thought that I'd be trapped there forever with no help. One of my fundamental fears is needing help - REALLY needing it, not stupid little things like wanting someone to come and hold a ladder so I can scrape the leaves off my roof that can just as well stay there - and not being able to get it. That's the worst part of being single and living alone: that fear that sometime you may really need assistance and it will not be forthcoming, either because you have made yourself a low enough priority in everyone else's life that they don't have the time to help, or that you are unable to ask for help).

But anyway. No new grocery store. (womp womp). Another set of empty storefronts to make the town look even more depressing (womp womp). It is gradually going back to like it was when I first moved here, where there was almost NOTHING and except for the most basic of groceries, I had to go to Sherman....I don't know if this is caused by the boom-and-bust oil cycle, or if people aren't shopping brick and mortar any more, or, if, as I said, the rich folk have some kind of secret cabal to go to nicer places and shop for them (or they just GO to Dallas on a regular basis - something I won't do - to shop)

Also, even the generic form of Mucinex is expensive. It's cheaper than a doctor's visit and a prescription if I can stop this cold from turning into a sinus infection, but I still cringed at what a dozen tablets cost.