I'm done adulting.

Usually by Thursday I'm pretty worn out and kind of on my last nerve. I SUSPECT part of it is getting up early to work out, but as busy as I am, I have no choice (it feels like) but to short myself an hour of sleep I'd LIKE to have in favor of being sure I have time to exercise.

Have already had a few difficult human interactions for the day and that saps my desire to be an adult.

I also have a dentist appointment this afternoon. No big deal; I am going in to see if they can adjust the "night splint" because when I wear it, it gives me a tiny sore right on the inside of my gum in the front. I don't think that's good, but I don't know if there's anything they can do; I suspect trying to buff it down might leave a rough spot that would be worse. But it's the effort of GOING to the dentist and the fact that the appointment is scheduled for MINUTES after the end of my lab for the day (and I KNOW someone is going to need to be there the full time, then), so I'll be harried and rushed and apologizing for being a couple minutes late when I run in there.

I also had someone grubbing for extra credit points in a class. Augh, I hate extra credit as a concept so much. I've decided to end any extra credit (except maybe as a few exam questions that go "over and above"). It used to be, when I was in school, that extra credit was just that: a couple extra-hard or extra-involved exam questions that, if you were a good student and/or had studied really hard, you could do and maybe add a little to your score. Now, it's morphed into a "I need this to salvage my grade" and the expectation is it's EASIER stuff, not "over and above" stuff like when I was in school.

Also, with the whole "extra credit for doing things outside of class," we are now being asked to be "equitable" in recognition of the fact that some people have Lives where doing a weekend workday or going to an evening talk might be impossible, and so we must make extra extra credit for them. And I am increasingly becoming about not making unnecessary work for myself - therefore, any extra credit goes out the window. Which is fine with me because, as I said, I hate what it's become and that some people think, "Okay, I can skip THIS assignment and THAT assignment and then ask for extra credit and I'll be good"

So instead of it being "let's reward the hard workers" (like it used to be), it's more and more "let's let the people who want to slack a little be able to salvage their grade" and I find that distasteful. I would much rather see a system that rewarded those who work hard. Or, for that matter, who have talent: I got a certain number of extra-credit points on exams that had them because I'm smart and have a good memory and I don't think that's something to be ashamed about or to feel like I have some kind of unfair advantage that I shouldn't be allowed to use.*

I also hate the idea that anything "extra" like evening talks require a bribe-of-points for some people to want to go. I get sick of the whole bribe mentality. Part of it is that I begin to wonder if I'm a chump for doing over-and-above without asking for extras.....

(*Harrison Bergeron, white courtesy phone, please)

I also am thinking of giving up on Zimbardo's "The Lucifer Effect." It's really kind of a depressing book and I find myself less and less inclined to read on it. (In fact, the other night, I thought, "I should go back and restart "The War that Ended Peace," World War I history would even be less distressing than this"

(The book - in case you don't recognize the name Philip Zimbardo - is about the infamous "Stanford Prison Experiment" - where college kids were recruited and randomly assigned to "guard" or "prisoner" roles, and it's shocking how much circumstances lead to changes in behavior. Even some of the men who claimed to be "pacifists" and other 70s-friendly buzzwords became harsh and at least somewhat cruel as guards. I suppose in a way it's a cautionary tale to watch out about how much I let MY circumstances affect me (I know all this budget-cut and bad-state-budget has, adversely: I am a bit less likely to write a check to a deserving charity, wondering, "But will I need that money MYSELF in a year?" and also it just affects how I feel about things: like I said, I'm increasingly becoming about not making extra work for myself because (a) it is uncompensated and (b) no one really cares that much about certain things I do. And I can tell it's affected my morale.)

I'm not even up to the part of the book where he contrasts what happened in Abu Ghraib with the SPE yet.

Also, am feeling sad that this is going to be a "workend." I need to analyze a bunch more data and write more on my SFD of my summer research stuff and maybe think about generating a few more research outlines for myself if that one doesn't work out. And I have to steel myself to start calling places like the Native Plant Society to see who, if anyone, has small pots of money they might grant people wanting to do research, and I HATE the phone. I even mostly hate calling people I know, let alone people I don't.

So I'm kind of done. And I keep thinking: Next month's Doki Doki box can't get here soon enough; I need some cute and funny and nice-surprises. (My love of these kinds of random subscription boxes is like my love of blindbag toys: it's a small surprise, but a surprise that is limited in scope, in that the WORST thing that happens is you get a toy you already have (I have four of one of the Apple Family side characters (Candy Apples), and there's really no one doing swaps of blindbag figures, so the three extras stand all lined up on a bookshelf). I don't like potentially-bad surprises, and most of the surprises in my work-day life are things I assume will be bad (getting called in to a "special meeting" these days is almost never "We have this pot of money we need to use, anyone have any projects that really need funding?" but more often something like, "Person x has resigned so we need to reschedule everyone" or "A student lodged a complaint" or "They're cutting our pay...") And so I need some kind of small happy surprises to keep me going. Also it keeps life from being quite so Groundhog Day.

I also feel like I need to finish something in the way of projects. Maud Pie has her head, ears, and front legs all attached to the body; I have just barely started a back leg but then I have to figure out the best way to get that stick-straight hairstyle (maybe just do a machine-stitched "part" across strands of yarn, and turn half of the amount into her bangs and let the other half hang down her neck?) and also figure out the dress. But nothing else is close to finishing. I do need to start the second sleeve for Hagrid some day.....but it seems any more when I get home I either lack the energy or have things I still must do.