...confidence and hope....

I cast on for the Hagrid sweater last night (well, cast on twice: the first one I decided was too tight, so I ripped it out and redid it using a bigger needle). Knit the first couple rows of the "Follow the Spiders" chart that forms the ribbing. (I am not up to the cable crosses yet, though).

I switched back over to the prayer shawl after a while. I figured even if the only prayers I could muster were "I'm tired, I'm worn, help" and "comfort for this person" that was enough.(And yeah, I get that the point of a prayer shawl is to pray for the person to be receiving it, and not ask things for yourself. But part of the ripples of this person's illness are that I have to take on more responsibilities at church - she and I shared a couple of duties - and I'm just at the point where juggling more things looks impossible to me. It probably *isn't,* but it *looks* that way)

And more not-real-great news: my mom called last night. Her best friend's son (who is himself a grandfather - I think he's maybe 15 years older than I am?) had a brain tumor. It was removed, and based on what my mom knew about the rehab he was doing and the further treatment, it sounds like it was deemed benign, but she said she didn't feel comfortable asking her friend and her friend was not forthcoming with more information. But yeah, not good times for that family. (This is the woman who suddenly lost her beloved husband to a heart attack a couple years back at Christmas).

So I admit, some of what I interpret as childishness going on in the outside world is getting to me.

I have a meeting tonight. I'd rather not go but I'm group secretary so I figure I don't have a choice. I also have to present a decision that the critics will probably be unhappy with. I've already given myself permission to quietly excuse myself and go sit on the front porch (this meeting is at someone's house) if someone gets too unpleasant about it.

My duties are just really getting me down right now. I'm completing them fine, I'm getting done what I feel I need to have done, I'm just really tired and having a hard time right now finding the joy in my work or my volunteer work.

ETA: Charlotte's suggestion that the arm thing is a deep bruise is probably right. I'm having a few more muscle-type aches today and I have a huge yellowish-green patch, like a healing bruise. Funny, I didn't see the purple stage of the bruise, but maybe if it was deep, I wouldn't have.