Wanting a weekend

At first I thought I'd come in this weekend and work a bunch on the paper rewrite, but now I don't know:

1. I'm really kind of tired and feeling a little burned out.
2. I do have an exam to type for next week, and some grading to do. And as teaching is how I earn my bread, that gets the top priority.

I don't know. What I WANT to do is either to stay home all Saturday, clean up the house, and then knit or so OR (as it looks like there is No New Pony this weekend), maybe make that McKinney trip I keep thinking about but putting off. (Then again: first Saturday of the month; I tend to prefer avoiding shopping right after everyone's payday).

I don't know. I admit I'm twitching a little about not working because of the off-hand joking comment made in Faculty Meeting yesterday about how "all the legislators think we don't work very much, they think we go shopping in the afternoons or something."

(Several people then joked about "Oh no, I was planning on going to Wal-Mart this afternoon!" And you know? I had gone the day before. But it was after all my classes were done....)

Earlier this week the Yarn Harlot was talking about guilt, although her version of it was more of the "what right do I have to have a cashmere scarf when some people have no scarves?" kind of guilt. (And sometimes I feel that, too.) But more often mine is of the But You Should Be Working variety. One of the problems with being salaried and with having a career where you can always do "more" is that some people get to the point where they don't always know when it's okay to take some time off. (And I think I take too much time off as it is).

So, I don't know. Do I come in this weekend and not get as much done as I intended and wind up being miserable because I didn't relax much, or do I take the weekend off and then feel vaguely guilty because the rewrite isn't getting done?

I can't do much on the rewrite this afternoon; I have to take my car into the shop and as the place I take it does not do loaners, and because I don't have a boyfriend/BFF/family member I can press into service to drive me (and it's kind of short notice to ask someone farther out in my circle of friends), I will have to go there and sit while they work. I have my bee books to read, so I guess that counts as research work, but still...

I'm bad at balancing "fun" and "work." I wind up spending too much time on what I would call low-grade fun (hanging out on Ravelry and such) when I am supposed to be at work, and then when time for higher-grade fun rolls around, I go "No, I didn't get enough done" so I don't go and do something "bigger" for fun.

So I don't know. And yes, I've heard the old story about no one on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work than with their family....but I don't HAVE a family in the sense that that saying means; I don't have a husband and children....so I don't know. I don't think I'll wish on my deathbed I had gone to McKinney more times or something. I don't know what I would wish.