Comes in threes

None of these bad things (well, except potentially for one) is really so very bad, but it seems that stuff seems to happen on Mondays. I wound up, by the end of the evening, kind of stressed out, had anxiety-dreams all night long (the last one: I was traveling somewhere in a 15 passenger van (I was not driving) with my non majors students (I know this, because one of the students in that class is Portuguese, and he was sitting behind me in the dream, talking about his struggles in learning English, and I turned around and said, "Yeah, English verbs are kind of weird." Of course, some Romance-language verbs are weird, too, as I learned from French, but....) and then the driver went off an unfinished bridge. The peculiar thing was I saw the gap coming up, and thought, "Oh. This must be a dream, I'm not *really* going to die" but I didn't wake up that instant.)

So. Thing the first: A couple weeks back I decided to spend the money earned doing textbook-reviewing on some goodies from Victorian Trading I'd been eyeing. (Nothing too exciting: a fleecy blanket, a cuff bracelet, and a book of teatime recipes). Apparently it is here. I got the package slip in my mailbox Saturday, and usually I can get these things the next day, so I ran down to the post office.

Waited in line for about 15 minutes. (I really should have just turned around and left when I saw the line). Got up the the front. The guy working the desk took a cursory look at the packages, came back, said,. "Did you receive this slip today?" I said no (And I KNOW that you have to wait for the postal guy to return to the PO before you can pick up a package!) Showed him that the date I could pick it up was today's date. He shrugged. "It's not here."

Normally, I'd ask to speak to the postmaster for help, but at that point it was late enough and I was worried about getting some practice time in before my piano lesson, so I said I'd come back.

If it's not in today, I'm going to speak to the postmaster. My biggest worry is that either it was stolen from the post office (which would suggest an employee) or they gave it out to the wrong person (they don't often ask for ID when you come in for a package, though I would hope I was the only one who had a slip for that particular package). My big worry is that it was "delivery scanned" and so Victorian Trading will believe it was successfully delivered - and if it cannot be found, won't resend the stuff and I'll be out $100 or so. (If they do have to resend? I'm going to ask if they can send it UPS. I've had good luck with UPS of late.)

And this is where my sad, cynical inner Eeyore comes out: "See? You're not supposed to have fun frivolous things. You should have just stuck that money in the savings account that's earning 0.05% interest."

The second thing is the most minor: I had to rip back and restart the baby hat. I'm using a heavy-worsted-weight boucle for it, and started out with the needles recommended for worsted. Realized it was big enough to fit me. So, rrrrrrrrrrip. I'm working on size 4s right now (three sizes smaller) and I think it will work this time. But I hate ripping stuff back. All that work. Especially on boucle, which is a pain to knit.

The third thing is the biggest. Part of it is my "issues" talking, but part of it is just interpersonal junk.

Once again, someone who does a fairly important job on a volunteer basis is talking about quitting, because they "don't feel appreciated enough." And this kind of thing makes me crazy for a couple of reasons. First of all: if you really think you can't do a job, or can't do it without help, come out and SAY it. Say: "I don't have time for doing this level of volunteer commitment any more." Or say "I really need an assistant or I can't continue to do this." Don't say "Maybe I'll just quit" because that's holding people's emotions hostage, in a way - saying "If you aren't nice enough to me, I won't do this any more." I suppose there could be underlying reasons, but it's coming out as "YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME OR ELSE" when if it's really a simple matter of "I no longer have time," the person should be direct about it.

This is a volunteer job that requires a specialized skill set (and one I do not have, or I'd probably throw up my hands and say "Okay, dammit, **I'll** do it" even though I really wouldn't have the time to. Because I get that fed up with this kind of situation.)

The other thing that annoys me is that I perceive it as a case of emotional neediness. (It may actually be, as I said, the person really doesn't have time to do it any more, and they're not good at being direct about that, but....seriously, I would find it much easier to decline to continue in a job because "I don't have time" rather than "I feel as if no one appreciates me doing it"). I am irritated by emotional neediness in this context for two reasons: first, it wastes time and energy, neither of which I have an abundance of these days. But mainly, and this is my own "issues" here - I feel from time to time as if my emotional needs aren't met. And yet, I feel that I am expected to "suck it up and deal," so I do. And so it feels unfair to me to have to be stroking someone else's ego when, for example, when I'm genuinely distressed about something and I suspect no one really gives a toot (because everyone is so busy with their own stuff, and with bigger problems), all I can really do about it is go home and cry about it by myself. (Or vent on here, and warn people not to bother reading it). It's kind of like the times I've baked cakes or made casseroles for other people or for get-togethers I don't actually have time to go to - and I'm eating a peanut butter sandwich myself, because that's all I have "time" for and, I guess, on some level, I feel like that's all I rate. It's like the old saying about the cobbler's children going barefoot - sometimes I wind up giving enough of my time and energy away that I don't have much left for me. And so I am getting to the point of feeling a small bit resentful when I see other demands on my time and energy.