Next mood swing...

I can't really talk about it in detail; it's bureaucracy-related, and it's just overwhelming me right now.

I may not be able to do my job the way I'm supposed to do it. That's about the most I can say.

This kind of thing drives me WILD. Frothing, starting-to-tear-up, wanting to cuss someone out or kick a wall wild.

The problem is, I'm a rule-follower. I try to do everything "right." And yet, some people insist on changing the rules, or setting up Catch-22 rules, and it makes my rule-following head explode. (Seriously. I developed an almost insta-migraine. I'm sure it's blood pressure. And I'm sure I probably need to go see a doctor to be sure my blood pressure has not got chronically high since the last time I had it checked).

It doubly frustrates me because I spent part of the afternoon dealing with Gen Y "help me, help meeeeeee" cluelessness at its most stereotypical, and I'm tired, and I just wanted this ONE thing to go smoothly.

The other bad thing about this, is I am too good at seeing the potential future fallout. Doing what I seem to have to do about this will win me bad teaching evaluations. Which will lead to me being called in for uncomfortable meetings when "tenure review" time rolls around, and if we do go to a "merit raise" system (as has been rumored), that means I'll never get a raise. I will be the loser against whom everyone else gets to be above average. (That's the dirty secret of Lake Woebegone: the next town over is where they send all the underachieving children; they work in a paper mill.)

(I'm trying to joke my way out of this mood but it's not working).

I don't know whether I want to go home and just sit down and cry, or go out and run ALL THE ERRANDS I had planned on running this afternoon.

This is way too damn early in the semester for me to be feeling this overwhelmed.

Let's see: comfort, laundry, pie. Well, I did laundry yesterday and I doubt I have the energy to consider baking a pie. I'm kind of starting to draw a blank. I should go home (after my errands) and clean house; maybe being angry will make me more efficient. I don't know.

Some days I really wish I had the funds (and a big enough house) for a live-in chef, live-in cleaner, and live-in amanuensis who would take care of stuff like dealing with bureaucrats for me. Going it all alone all the time gets to be hard to bear.