Busy is good

(First off: the record on the wall is a reprint of a poster from the early days of Pathé records in France. I bought it because (a) it's a really cool graphic and (b) Pathé recorded many of the chanson artists I enjoy. There is a small slogan on the side of the record that says L'enregistrement electrique le plus perfectionne, essentially boasting that they were the best of their day. (A copy of the advertisement can be seen here)

I think keeping busy keeps the things that frustrate me at bay.

Yesterday, I had 20 student papers to grade. (Well, I had already read 2/3 of them on Monday, and put comments on, and graded them "in my mind," so to speak - so for most of them, I just had to fill out the rubric I use). I did those over my lunch hour, then came back to campus and wrote an exam for next week.

And I didn't obsess about the thing I've been obsessing about.

Actually, I find getting things done is a good cure for anything that bothers me. Even something like cleaning house. I think part of it - only part - is the distraction. The other part is that by getting things done that are hanging over my head, I feel happier, because, well, those things aren't hanging over my head any more.

(I think my sense of responsibility has over-developed. I don't quite know how to scale back on it and even if it would be good to, but I think it's not healthy when you're waking up at 2 am and going "I have to write a position-paper assignment for tomorrow!")

Unfortunately, I think these days, crafts allow my brain to work too much - allow me to ruminate on things.

However, also, my mood changed yesterday. I don't know why. (Sometimes I feel like I am as much an observer to, as a participant in, my moods). I also realized that (a) I could accept whatever decision came but (b) conversely, I don't think it will be a negative decision.

I don't know how I came to this realization. Sometimes I "decide" things without reasoning them out too much, it's like the feeling suddenly hits me. (An example: some years back, when my dad was going through all sorts of medical testing, and we didn't know what the problem was (at one point they thought the bloodwork might suggest early stage ALS, even though he had no symptoms). I had worried about it a lot, and finally decided the only way to get through was to tell myself during the day, "You cannot worry about this now. You can pray about it tonight." One night, as I was sitting knitting on what became the prayer afghan I made for my dad, I got this overwhelming sense of peace: that it would be OK. I was better able to cope after that.

Some weeks later, we found out that it was none of the really bad scary untreatable things, and while it was something potentially scary and potentially fatal if untreated, it was also VERY early in the problem's development, to the point where they were talking about "cure" rather than "remission." And he's been fine since getting treatment.)

So I hope that my "sense of peace" about this is similar.

I'm working away on the last (yay) pair of gift-mitts for this year. I'm using a pattern called "Basketry Mitts," which is very nice. (I chose it because these are a "blind" gift for a gift exchange, I don't know who will get them, and it says that these mitts fit a wide range of hands because the pattern is stretchy). I'm using one of the Paton's tweedy color-changing yarns (Clover Mix, I think the colorway is called). I'm very pleased with it - for a fairly inexpensive and widely-available yarn it's very pretty, and it does the same kind of ombre-color thing that yarns like Mini Mochi and Poems Sock do, while being FAR less splitty. The Paton's yarn is a tweedy plied yarn (either 3 or four plies, I forget which and I don't have it in front of me) and it's the plies that gradually change color, to give the ombre effect, instead of having a Kureyon-like singles-that-changes-color.

I've decided I'm just not a fan of singles sock yarn, no matter how pretty it may be.