this is sad.

I'm still thinking about it.

I had a student from one of my classes call me yesterday. This was someone who was a good, engaged, and involved student. He had been having some family problems, a few of which he confided in me about (by way of explaining the occasional absence).

When he called, he said, "I didn't want you to hear about this through the student grapevine, but I'm having to drop your class." He explained it was because of the circumstances he talked about before (I think he said he was withdrawing from college altogether). He thanked me for his class and expressed regret he was having to drop, as he had been enjoying it.

It makes me sad. Sad that so many of my students are carrying such heavy loads BESIDES their classes. I've had students go through divorces (ugly divorces at that) while in school. I've had students with serious illnesses. I've had students lose parents.

On the one hand, it makes me wonder at my own college years: was I so different and privileged in that I went to school and the only "work" I did (other than going to classes) was to earn extra pizza or movie money? And the fact that I didn't have a family to care for - heck, didn't even really have a boyfriend - made things far less complicated. I know that part of it is we serve a large non-traditional (e.g., older, married, former military, coming back to school after working for some years, etc.) base, and we're also in a less financially-advantaged area. And an area where people traditionally marry younger, I guess. (When I was in college, the only married couples I knew who were students were grad students in their late 20s or early 30s.)

And it does present more of a challenge when teaching. You have to be able to be flexible, to tell the single mom who's calling in in tears because her child was in the ER all last night with febrile convulsions and she's afraid she didn't study enough that she can come in the following day to take the exam (and you don't have to say - because she will - bring in the release form from the ER). And you can't plan "mandatory" evening or weekend things, because people work. (And sometimes, they even have to work during your class. There are a couple employers here in town - I will not name them - who will do things like call "mandatory meetings" when they KNOW some of their employees have class, and when the employees ask about missing the meeting for class, the employer tells them, essentially, "There are lots of other people in town who'd like to have your job.")

But on the other hand, it can be frustrating. Because I also have the "traditional" population of students. The folks who, like one of my students this semester, think that going to see their favorite band in the whole world should be sufficient reason for them to have an excused absence. Or people who "just really got sucked into" playing a video game the night before and didn't finish the homework. And sadly, some of these students lack perspective on life and don't understand that there's a world of difference, in my eyes, in granting an extension to a guy who had to go and sit at his dad's bedside, because his dad's in hospice and they don't know how many more days it will be, and granting an extension to someone who didn't get the work done because they were playing. And they tell me it's not fair. And I stop short of saying stuff like, "You know what's not fair? What's not fair is being 25 years old and having to watch your dad die, knowing you will be the 'man' of the family after that happens and not knowing if you'll be able to complete your degree because of your new responsibilities."

I know Plato said something along the lines of "Be kind, for everyone is carrying a heavy burden," but I tend to think some burdens are a bit heavier - and some burdens are not of the own person's making.