ETA: One of the parties sort-of apologized to me (the kind of "read between the lines" apology, which is often the most you get in the workplace) and was relieved to hear I had deleted the messages unread. So I think at least one person realizes they were kind of wrong.
I'm now fantasizing about getting an e-mail from one of the parties concerned, begging me to delete unread the rest of the e-mails, that they were sent in an angry haste. I don't think it will happen but I wish it would.
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I decided to just delete the messages anyway. I don't need to be involved with this.
It's a huge relief to have them gone off my inbox screen. (I didn't empty the deleted folder just yet, just in case some dictum comes down that we need to cuss and discuss the situation, but I really hope it doesn't. If it does, I may claim a migraine and take one of my unused sick days that day).
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Something else I'm thinking about:
I've been struggling to learn the chording-improvisation (or whatever you call it; the sort of thing where you do the chord progression and "fill in" for a song). I can't do it. I watch my piano teacher, I watch pianists on television (occasionally on House, Hugh Laurie will sit at his piano and play). I try to see what they're doing and I kind of understand, but I can't do it. My teacher tried to get me to do it with a simple chord progression- based on the old hymn "Will the Circle be Unbroken." And I just couldn't. Or at least, I couldn't at that point. She has me working on "His Eye is on the Sparrow" now, which has more different chords in it (what hung me up on the previous one, in part, is "what do you do with six bars of a G chord in cut time?").
I remarked with some dismay last afternoon, "I watch what you're doing when you demonstrate, but I can't do that. I can't quite see where everything is going." She told me she was going to try to "ease" me into it (rather than "dropping" me into it, as she had with "Will the Circle...") She remarked, "You're very structured, and so this might not come as easily for you."
And you know, I have to laugh about that. "Structured" is probably a more diplomatic word than I would have used. I admit it: I'm fairly rigid. I'm a rule-follower, I always have been. I actually get uncomfortable breaking "rules" that might not actually be "rules" but that I think should be rules. (See post below and my "do I have to read every e-mail I get, even distressing argumentative ones that don't concern me directly?").
I think this is also what stays my hand when it comes to designing sweaters for myself. I'm a good knitter, I am good at math, surely I could figure out, for example, how to do a slimfitting cardigan in 4x4 rib using a bulky-weight yarn (which is what I want to do with some Auraucania bulkyweight I have). But then I'm afraid of messing it up. Part of it is that I do still fear failure, but part of it is that I know if I messed it up, I'd have to rip it all back - and lose all that time - and feel frustrated and upset with myself for not being able to do it.
But yeah, fearing failure. I don't know where I got it, although I suppose for a "good" kid in our public school system it's an easily learned lesson. (I think part of it was that I had given up on ever having the appreciation of my peers, and so I sought it from my teachers instead). Of course, that's supposed to be a bad trait in a scientist: we are supposed to EMBRACE failure, because that's how progress gets made.
But then again, there's a difference between, "Gee, that didn't give the result I expected" and "OH HELLS THE LAB IS ON FIRE!!!!" There are different grades of failure and I guess I've managed to avoid the most spectacular kinds while still allowing for the "well, gee, that experimental method didn't work" kind. Or maybe I don't regard unexpected results or having to adjust the methods as a "failure" so much.
My piano teacher did comment that maybe if I loosened up more, I would develop more comfort with improvisation. (And because I tend to believe "how you do anything is how you do everything," perhaps that would break my logjam on sweater designing). Or maybe, as I am unwilling to resort to chemical means for "loosening up," perhaps forcing myself to sit down and play at sweater designing will get me to a point where I can maybe improvise.
Though I will say that the pessimistic, critical side of myself tells me that I just need to accept the fact that I "can't" design and "can't" improvise, and to just content myself with the fact that I can actually learn the "little" Bach pieces I've been playing fairly rapidly, and that I am good at following patterns. So I don't know.
6 comments:
I'm sending you a pm on this. Of COURSE you can improvise...
:)
Phyllis
Like all things, it will probably get easier with practice. For me, it got easier after I took a music writing class...
What's the worst thing that will happen if you design your own sweater pattern?
You knit it up and you don't like it.
So unravel it! The yarn will still be usable, and you'll have learned from the experience. You can't even call that a total waste of time!
I can barely hit the notes I'm supposed to hit, so the idea of winging it intimidates me no end.
One of my favorite pianists is Catherine Marie Charlton, whose largely-improvised work I discovered about a decade ago. (She has an engineering degree, which explains much to me.)
Not sure what you're attempting to do at the piano. If it's true improvisation, I wouldn't think hymns would be my choice of teaching material. If you are talking about chording, one way to do it is to play the base note of the chord (C for example in a C chord) on the first beat of the measure as an octave and then on the next beat or the third beat (in 4/4 time) you play the chord (C-E-G) closer to your right hand. For the six measures of G, you'd do the same sort of thing but just play the G chord. You can also add interest by playing some other note (usually the 5th of the chord) in place of the base note.
Does your school have a music department? You might benefit from taking a music theory class, particularly if it covered "figured bass" in it.
Re the sweater, sounds to me like the easiest way to tackle this problem would be to knit up some swatches. Once you know how many stitches and rows per inch you have, you can draw out a schematic. In fact, you could probably use one from a similar sweater. Pencil in the numbers on your schematic using your swatches.
Think about both exercises -- musical and knitting -- as expanding your knowledge base. These are simply problems to be solved.
when I took dulcimer my teacher spent alot of time making me listen to music and then trying to replicate it on my own. I think that is where the improvisation comes in. If you take a recording of piano music you like and try to replicate it.. going thru all your mistakes until you hit the right notes.. you might find some way to improvise other pleasign sounds as you go??
it is an idea.
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