thought for today

I did go out yesterday evening and get my portfolio supplies. (Just about $70, thank you very much, and I really hope it's not a $70 spent in futility).

I also picked up a couple things for myself - Target had a set of the Benji movies on their $5 dvd rack. I figured what the heck - I think the original "Benji" was one of the first movies I saw in a "real" theater, where we paid full price (as opposed to at the library or on my dad's campus). I remember it fondly. I know not all movies I liked as a kid I will still like at 41 (though a surprising number of them I still do). But I figured: it's $5. If I decide after watching the first one that they don't still appeal to me, I can always either donate them to the day-care that is run out of my church (as I remember, the Benji movies were pretty wholesome) or, if they wouldn't want it, give it as a gag gift to my brother (he was even a greater fan of Benji, back in the day).

I also bought a copy of the new issue of the Debby Bliss knitting magazine. I don't know that I'd knit anything out of it (though then again, one of the ostensibly-for-men patterns is a very nicely done v-neck sweater: it has a double cable running up the front, which then splits and runs up each side of the v-neck: very clever). But I enjoy looking at knitting magazines (even the ads, sometimes) so it was worth it to me. It also had an interview with a young designer (of whom I had never heard) named Anna Wilkinson. The interview was the source of the thought:

"The pressure of fashion causes people to be self-conscious and take themselves far too seriously."

She also referred to Grey Gardens (which I've never seen but kind of know the idea behind) and how Little Edie referred to her "costume for the day" and Ms. Wilkinson remarked that people don't have fun with fashion so much any more.

And you know, I think that actually sums up maybe some of the problems we have in our society: we take things far too seriously that should not be taken seriously. We are blessed to live in a world where, for many of us, the Big Problems: food, shelter, safety, freedom from sudden infectious disease - have been solved. You don't hear of people in your town dropping dead of dysentery or of major epidemics of typhus. (It is, unfortunately, much different in the developing world or in places where natural disasters or wars have hit. But I daresay most everyone reading this lives in comfort and safety). And I suppose it's human nature: as I once said, it was the anxiety-ridden caveman, always looking over his shoulder for threats, that survived to found the next generation of little cavemen, and his mellower brother who got eaten by the sabre-tooth. So we look for problems.

And in the modern developed world, there aren't that many big problems, at least not immediate problems in the sense that a person's own likelihood of continuing to exist the next minute are threatened. So we look for other problems.

Hence, the spates of letters-to-the-editor of food magazines: how DARE they feature Christmas cookies in a magazine supposedly devoted to healthy cooking. How DARE you treat corn as a vegetable. How DARE you feature an article about that crazy kook who says it's really probably OK for us not to worry too much about vitamins.

Or the rise of "alpha parenting," where some parents act as if raising a child requires all this Gnostic-grade understanding, which they of course have, and if you don't listen to them and do exactly as they do, your child will grow up to be a criminal. Or worse, an underachiever.

And the truth of the matter is: we've been eating food and raising children for tens of thousands of years. (Hundreds of thousands, really). And we've not screwed it up too badly yet.

I think that's part of what makes me tired of the How Dare You brigade. The other thing is the whole idea of the prescriptiveness of it: My attitude is, if you don't want to expose yourself or your family to Christmas cookies, then fine, don't make them. But don't tell other people that they should not engage in that small pleasure, that small comfort. The whole "I know better than you" attitude just bugs me.

But the other thing about the quotation about taking themselves far too seriously hits closer to home. I think part of my distress this fall is that I've somehow lost the ability to laugh at the stupid absurd things that happen, and instead let myself be annoyed by them. I'm taking things far too seriously (like, people grabbing graduated cylinders when I tell them to use a beaker for something in lab) instead of just shrugging, saying to myself, "people are strange" and moving on.

I'm also taking the Full Professor application process way too seriously. There are a number of eye-rolling things about it, and I'm sure once it's done (provided I am successful) I can laugh about it. And really, in the grand scheme of things, as I said before, it's NOT important. (And I keep trying to convince myself of that). I'm trying to envision the portfolio as a circus hoop and myself as a small white poodle in a ruffly collar, and all I have to do is jump through the hoop. Not dig my heels in and go "this level of detail is stupid" or "I don't have time to do this" or "$70 worth of supplies, are you KIDDING?," I just need to jump through the stupid hoop.