After a week full of what some term "First World Problems,"* and after finally being able to keep from coughing (it's been very humid and that exacerbates my low-grade asthma) to get in an hour's workout, the guys on the news station I sometimes listen to were talking about the upcoming anniversary.
They played some of the tape from the September 11 attacks...the point where the news anchor was just realizing that it was not a horrible, horrible accident, but something planned.
I was sort of surprised (but also sort of not, I guess) how visceral my reaction and my memories still are. It brought back all the weird kaleidoscopic memories of the day - my memories are sort of jumbled and fragmented, with some very clear points I can see in my mind:
- walking into the bookstore and hearing the news being reported over the (usually country music) station they played; at that point no one knew what was going on and we were all assuming it was one of those small sightseeing planes that had crashed because of some horrible error.
- being stopped, while walking back to my building, by someone I knew from the Art department. "They think terrorists did it" was all she said.
- standing around the little black and white tv (with tinfoil on the antenna to get better reception) in my secretary's office and watching (replayed, at that point) footage of the towers falling.
- calling my parents, with the plan of asking them to call my brother and sister-in-law (whose phone number I did not have at the time) and tell them to get the H out of Chicago. (I thought Chicago was going to be next, or maybe LA, at that point). I couldn't reach my parents, and kind of freaked out.
- my then-department-chair poking his head in my office while I tried to write a Biostats exam (and feeling like it was an utterly futile task: what does probability matter any more?) and telling me they were closing the campus and I needed to go home. To this day, I do not know if they closed it out of respect to all who died, or if they were concerned that there might be something happening even here.
- waiting in line for a very long time at a gas station to fill up my car's tank, because when I finally did reach my dad - remember, this was when we still didn't know anything that was going on and what might happen later - he told me "Get bottled water; make sure you have canned goods and granola bars and stuff on hand; fill up your gas tank in case there's a gas shortage." The other thing I remember though was that people were very kind: no one cut in line, no one got angry, and in fact, one guy came down the line asking each of us: "There's a woman behind me trying to get home with her three small children, would you be willing to let her jump the line?" And everyone was.
- I also remember the silence for several days after that, when no planes were flying. And the way that many of the "fluff" television channels - like HGTV - just signed off for the day and put up a placard saying they were cancelling programming out of respect for those who had died.
(*I have to admit, I don't like the designation. On the one hand, yes, all of the getting-pecked-to-death-by-ducks kind of things I've been dealing with at work are much less serious problems than many have - but at the same time, realizing a problem is minor, when you're already in a poor frame of mind, doesn't make it any less of a problem. And having someone remind you your problems are "just First World Problems" when you're already overloaded, if you're a person prone to feeling guilty at the drop of a hat, as I am, it's like "Okay....so I have all this stuff I'm having a hard time coping with, but I shouldn't be unhappy and I shouldn't be overwhelmed because I'm not having to dig in the mud for roots to eat..." and it's just not helpful.)
Anyway, the guys were discussing another topic: one remarked that to him, it made him uncomfortable to see football games and concerts and things on this day, like people are forgetting what happened, and he speculated that maybe the 11th of September should be set aside as a day of remembrance.
I don't think I agree with that. For one thing: yes, stop and remember. (I know a lot of people do a period-of-silence at the same time as certain of the events). But I also think going about our daily lives - still having football games and concerts and (yes) entomology programs** means that we're still who we are - we haven't given in to fear, we've stood back up afterward, and we're still doing what we've always done.
(Also, designating a day as a full-day-off can lead to bad things. Like Presidents' Day turning into a day for car dealer ads featuring a rapping George Washington.)
(**Yes, I'm going. Even if I don't get all the grading done. I need something different.)
4 comments:
I vaguely remember a lot of what you mentioned; it happened here in columbus. I don't really remember details on all that (other that it took me FOREVER to get home, and I lived only 20 minutes away).
However, what still sticks in my mind is the utter disbelief when I watched the tower collapse. It took a while for the disconnect to go away so I could realize that yes, it really DID completely collapse with everyone in it. (I work for an insurance/financial services company, and we have TVs all over the place, tuned to various news/finance channels. That day, they were all on CNN).
That is what still comes up in my vision every anniversary.
Phyllis
I remember so clearly that I was in Perth, Australia, on a tour. I was in my room getting ready to go to breakfast and snapped the TV on in hopes of getting a weather forecast. Instead, I saw pictures of the planes flying into the towers and then people rushing up the street, followed by a huge dust cloud. At first, I thought it was a movie but all too quickly I realized it was the news. When I joined the tour group in the breakfast room, one of the men came over, put his arms around me and said, "I'm so sorry." I lost it and cried and cried.
I was actually surprised at how little coverage the various memorials got around here (Boston). Don't know if that's out of respect for the families of the many local people who lost their lives (imagine how painful each yearly memorial must be), or because the Ground Zero controversy has overshadowed the actual event. Regardless, I expect next year (10 years, can't believe it) will be a bigger newsmaker. In a way, it was kind of a relief to not have to watch and re-live that day again, it was so painful.
9/11 is still too painful for me to think about. Too awful. On top of that it seems our society has changed for the worse, more angry and superficial.
Also, I've gotten the "you have first world problems" thing too and it's not helpful. At all. I wish people would stop using it. It puts guilt on top of the stress and doesn't help me--or people in other places.
We need to stop being so judgmental and mean and actually starting HELPING one another.
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