I have done it on this promotion packet. Everything's still in a scattered mess, I've tried multiple times to copy my presentation files to a CD-ROM and it seems that while I can get one or two on, the rest wind up getting screwed up or corrupted or something. (And no, it's not an issue of file size. I checked. I don't know, I may have to buy a new flash drive, save everything to the flash drive, and hire the computer guys to put it all on a CD-ROM for me. Because it HAS to be on a CD-ROM for the packet.)
I can't find stuff I think I need. I keep finding horrible stuff though, like the jar of potato pieces in salt water I used over a year ago to demonstrate osmosis to a class.
I haven't won a teaching award. That's one of the things listed to include in your packet. They give out one a year. I wonder if that means only people who won the award make full professor. I know I'm not that good of a teacher. But the truth is, this isn't Lake Woebegone, we can't all be above average. Some of us have to be lousy in order to make the superstars shine.
I've done so little. SO LITTLE. Other people here have written books, or run whole entire conferences, or gone off and done research far away. Or they've gotten giant grants. I've tried for giant grants twice and got turned down both times.
Compared to other people here, I suck so hard. I'm amazed I even got tenure in the first place. Everyone everywhere is better at everything than I am. I'm kinda-sorta good at a lot of things, but kinda-sorta good isn't good enough; I wish I were really darn good at one thing or two things. I wish I were better at being single-minded, that I was one of those people who could happily spend 40 hours a week on research over and above their teaching load. Who never needed sleep or downtime, who had no need to go visit family.
I don't think I'm going to get full professor and it's killing me right now. Why am I even bothering? Why do I bother to do anything?
And I can't even go home and cry; in an hour I have to go get the vans to take my evening class off on a field trip.
3 comments:
{{HUGS}} You are better than you think you are.
You are being too hard on yourself. Stop thinking so negatively. You present papers/posters at at least one conference per year. You have had papers published in professional journals. You are frequently asked to review books by publishers. "Superstar" people don't necessarily make good teachers. Those folks who don't sleep or have hobbies, just work all the time, etc., may be pretty miserable people to live with.
If all your CD recordings are failing, I'd bet the drive itself has gone troppo - or you have craptacular software that's only now manifesting itself as such.
It could happen. I had to reflash a DVD writer once. Scary, but it did actually help.
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