I realized something, taking a few minutes to "relax" (after a 12 hour day on campus, when I realized while driving home that it would be less than 12 hours that I'd be BACK on campus starting a new day) and looking at a knitting book ("Knitting 24/7") that part of the reason I'm so drawn to Interweave Knits and the books they (and also that Stewart, Tabori, and Chang) put out is how the knits are "staged."
Because really, it's not so much that I need another pair of armwarmers. What I want, when I see the armwarmers on the model, is the life she's modeling: a life where there's enough time to stop in a little coffee shop for a glass of orange juice and to do the morning crossword. Or, I like a particular hat in part because I wish I had the time to browse at the outdoor-sale-tables of a bookstore. (And I wish my town had more of a bookstore, and that it had outdoor sale tables.)
Like a lot of things, it's not so much the product that's what's seductive, it's how it's packaged. For me, especially for me right now, what draws my attention and fills me with longing is the idea of having free time - and more, having free time and interesting "third places" (not work, not home) in which to spend it.
Today will be another long day. After I finish up here, I need to do teaching prep, then teach two classes, then teach a lab. Then, at 5:30 I have an evening meeting that will probably last until 8. Same thing tomorrow, pretty much. Friday I have lots of grading. Saturday I was half-planning on going to a entomology program down at Hagerman, but if my grading isn't done, I'm not going, because the grading is more urgent.
The other thing that gets me is....I guess in some ways, this isn't the life I expected. Or, the model I saw growing up was different. I look in some of my older cookbooks and I see the dinner menus - and there's a meat (or other protein), and two vegetables, and a starch, and a dessert. And my dinners these days are very often a salad (and maybe some crackers) or a bowl of cereal. And I realized: it's like when I was in college, when I was willing to put up with a studio apartment for a while, saying, "When I 'really' grow up, when I get a real job, then I'll be able to afford better." It's like, with the meals, I look at the pictures in the book and think, "When I have more time, I'll cook like that. I'll make some kind of fiddly chicken dish and plan out two vegetables and even cook rice."
And I almost never do.
And I don't know if all those shows I watched growing up - The Waltons and the Cosby Show and sometimes re-runs of The Brady Bunch - where everyone sat down to a nice dinner at 6 pm - were an idealized lie, or if they were showing a life that's vanished for most people, or what. Because I either don't have time to cook, or, when I get home and realize the choice is "cook, or have some time to read/knit/sew," I wind up not cooking. It makes me feel like not-a-grownup, like someone stuck in a perpetual adolescence, to be eating a bowl of salad in front of the Weather Channel at 8 pm, instead of sitting down to a proper meal at a proper table.
I suppose everything is a trade-off. And while I'm happy to have a well-paid job....still, this getting-home-for-the-day-long-after-7-pm thing gets old after a while, especially when you leave the house at 7 am, and especially when you can't blame a long commute. (My commute is all of five minutes).
So I don't know. I feel a little sad now, realizing that the bright fantasies presented by the knitting books and magazines - the fantasies of lots of free time and having the energy and resources to spend it doing interesting things - are really what I want, moreso than the sweaters or socks or hats shown on the pages.
2 comments:
I am sure you've thought of this. But I try to do thsi at least once a week. I make something in a crock pot. Usually a protein of some kind. It helps if it is larger than I would eat and then I can have it for several days.
One thing that always works for me is a frozen chicken. Yup. you read that right. one 6lb or larger) frozen chicken goes into the crock pot. I set it on low and leave. Nothing else needs to go in.. (I know it seems weird, but trust me. I've been making this for about 3 yrs now.) Then I have hot chicken that nite (falls off the bone) and for several niets after I ahve chicken and rice, chicken in enchiladas, chicken salad. You can even freeze it after it cooks.
I pop a potato in the microwave and have a salad on the side that first nite.
My crock pot saves me from wanting to kill myself when I get home. I really need that time to myself to knit or read instead of more work.
I so totally get this. It took me more years than I want to think about to realize I didn't want the TOY, I wanted the friends, the carefully landscaped area, the camera angles, and the story used to sell the piece of plastic crap.
But once I realized which part I wanted, it became easier to find ways to get that best bit. If you really really want the homecooked meal, there are resources available for folks who work long days but want a "nice" dinner to come home to (such as Purlewe's suggestion above.)
Best of luck figuring out what you want--and getting it! May you have the story and the camera angles.
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