First off: thanks for the "non-flying squirrel" comment, Charles, it actually made me laugh on a morning I was otherwise in a bad mood.
And I am. Part of it is just that it's hot, it's humid, it won't rain, we're trapped under a "dome of high pressure" that is as insidious as anything Dr. Evil could dream up. And part of it is, I just need to stop watching the news again. Here are three stories from the morning local newscast:
1. "BREAKING NEWS! A developing story!" Some actor from a series of gross-out movies that I have never seen has gone into rehab. Breaking news? SRSLY?
2. One of the Kardashian women is upset because a woman was seen breast-feeding in a restaurant. I'm guessing because that meant people were paying attention to someone else's breasts for a change. (I have problems with people CHANGING THEIR BABIES at restaurant tables, which, yes, I've seen. But breast-feeding? Yeah, yeah, I know: some women go to the restroom to do it. But they really shouldn't have to). Again, this is breaking news?
3. If you're anxious, you are going to get heart disease! But don't worry about it, now!
Oh, and another: women who have passed menopause are supposed to give up tea and start drinking coffee lest they develop rheumatoid arthritis. Which, once again, gives me the feeling of "Take away everything I love, everything that brings me joy, in the supposed name of enhancing my health." What it means is I have about 8 years left to enjoy tea, I guess.
Then, the capper: driving in to work, I was very nearly run off the road by some IDIOT who was driving in the MIDDLE of the barely-two-lanes of road I have to go up to get to my workplace. There's something somewhat despair-generating about realizing that you might just buy the farm on your way to work. Instead of, I don't know, trying to climb K2 or chasing tornadoes or something.
I mean, I tend to be highly risk-averse - I don't think I could skydive. And beyond that, I do my [expletive deleted] hour of [expletive deleted] exercise every morning instead of sleeping in like I'd really like to do. And I avoid eating some things I'd really like to eat, and often eat things that really aren't the things I want. All in the name of health. And I do what I'm "supposed" to. I'm so reliable that if my car is not in the lot when the secretary arrives, she assumes I'm home sick. I've never bounced a check or cheated on my taxes.
And yet, I might be taken out by some jerk who can't pay attention to the road because he's both talking on his cell phone AND has the woman in the seat next to him talking to him. Something just seems very wrong about that. I know life isn't fair, but I don't like feeling like driving in to work in my teeny little town should put me in Mortal Peril.
2 comments:
I drive major highways to get almost anywhere and usually I'm okay with that. However, there is one section of I-44 just after it goes under I-270 which spooks me. The merging traffic from I-270 is often tracter trailer trucks and the last couple of times I've driven that sections, the trucks have nearly sideswiped me. Sometimes I can move over a lane; sometimes I can't but it's like they're not even looking. Today I managed to get over to an exit lane and here came the truck which had nearly sideswiped me headed for my lane again. He managed to get the truck straightened out without hitting me but it was pretty scary there for a little bit. I may have to boycott that section of highway.
I am convinced there is some underground, Orwellian office in which a committee gathers and says, "Ok, what health scare can we come up with this month so people will buy Product X?"
The tea industry must have pissed them off so they're bringing out the coffee mafia. Drink Jamaican Blue or Earl Grey wears the concrete shoes!
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