First off: forgive any glaring typos. I'm not wearing my glasses as I type this so it's largely touch-typed "blind."

(I'm taking a break in the middle of sorting a soil sample).

But: The Compassion Fatigue, I has it. As I said on Twitter, I make a monumental effort to keep my own "stuff" together - to keep my emotions from flying off in random directions, to get my bills paid on time, to fulfill my responsibilities, all that. And I am finding it increasingly hard when people who can't get or keep their "stuff" together come to me and either ask me to help them do it, or, they ask for accommodations that mean that either I can't complete work in a timely fashion, or I have to write a make-up exam just for them, or something.

I really think - and maybe I need to make a greater point of this - that students don't realize that if they are coming to me needing an extension, or a make-up, or some other over-and-above thing (I had a person the other day ask me to write a letter of recommendation that was due the next day. He asked me at 3 pm, and it was due in by noon the next day), that there are likely five or six other people asking for similar accommodations. And there comes a point where I just can't juggle that stuff any more.

I really genuinely think some folks don't think about that - they don't think that other people may be experiencing difficulties, and that, even beyond that, their poor old prof is sweating about how she's going to find a couple-hours block when she's at home and not sleeping to get the laundry done, or how she's going to get that abstract written for those meetings, and what about that independent-research student who hasn't updated me on her project for a couple weeks?

I wonder if some folks treat time like they treat money. For me, money, while not a constant worry, is sometimes a concern: I have a generous savings account because of "what if something goes wrong" (like the transmission dying in my car back in '06). I feel the same way about time: I need to build in a cushion of time - in case I get waylaid by someone (it happens a lot), or in case I can't find something I need, like my watch, or in case there's one of the other hundred minor emergencies that happen around here.

But I think some folks figure that if they run out of time - like if they run out of money - they can either get "credit" and somehow pay interest on it, or they can find someone willing to bail them out.

And I hate to say it, but too often that person being looked to is me. As I said before: at what point does requesting help and mercy and extensions from someone slip over into exploiting them - valuing their time less than your own?

I don't know. All I know is that I've hardly knit at all - or read at all- or worked on my quilt at all this week, and it's making me cranky.

I'm also worrying about getting my tax documents all "redded up" (I have to do some recalculations; I forgot $500 I earned last year reviewing textbooks, so I have to put that in) and sent off. It's all of the little stuff. The being-pecked-to-death-by-ducks stuff that drags me down. I can deal with the big scary stuff; it's the small daily things that make me want to tear my hair out.

I probably just need to sit down and do the dang taxes; I brought them in with me today because I can make copies of the forms here for my records.

***
Edited, later: I finally got them all straightened out. Though, in some places, I think they must have tapped Snape or whoever the Spells teacher was at Hogwarts: there are places where you add two numbers together, than compare them to the line above, and if the number on line 8 is greater than line 7, you write that number in line 9, and if it isn't, you write in a 0 and then skip the next two lines. And blahdeblahdeblah. Honestly, at one point, I almost stood up, pointed my finger at the Schedule D Calculations Sheet, and exclaimed "Expelliarmus!" but I don't think that would have helped. (Or worked, seeing as I think you need a wand for that to work).


I will say I'm getting a refund from the Feds (which, yes, I know, means I made them a free loan, but whatever, with investments having unpredictable returns trying to zero out my withholding would probably mean some year I get stuck with doing quarterly payments).

And for once, I get a refund from the state. And I'm quite pleased at the amount. It's $42.

AND I have a load of laundry in the dryer, and another load in the wash. So I guess I will survive this week after all.

I think tomorrow after putting my tax forms in the mail (with the special, "open this one extra slow and let it sit on someone's desk a while, because she's getting a refund" address on the label), I'm going to take myself out for lunch.