I hate my brain sometimes.

Last night, I had a dream that someone I cared a whole lot about was dying, and there was nothing I could do - all I could do was wait for the final bad news.

Which resulted in my lying in bed at 3:30 in the morning (once I woke up) and wondering if it was worth it to try to go back to sleep for the remaining hour and a half, or if I should just say "bag it" and get up and do my exercise extra early for today.

(Ultimately, I tried to sleep again. Which resulted in my dreaming that my brother's kidneys were failing, and I was rushing to the hospital to see if I was a donor match, and feeling very sad and conflicted - on one hand, I couldn't NOT save my brother's life; on the other, the thought of the surgery terrified me. Which really did not help my mood today).

Well, I tried to put it out of my mind - if everything we dreamed actually happened this would be a mighty strange world indeed. But during class, I began thinking about it again. And began feeling very, I don't know, premonition-y? Like, "I'm going to go back to my office and there is going to be a Very Bad News phone call or e-mail waiting for me). It was almost unbearable finishing class. (Stupid brain).

So I rushed back here - no phone messages. It took some gutting up to check my e-mail (which is how I'd likely get the bad news in this case).

But I did. The only new e-mail was a spammy advertisement from Land's End.

Stupid brain. Why do you do this to me? Why can't I have dreams like normal people? About puppies or vacations or "dating" George Clooney (to keep it G rated here). What is it with all the armageddoney stuff all of a sudden? If you keep doing this to me, I WILL sit up all night watching television just to spite you.