I think our downfall comes when we care about the opinions of people of lesser integrity, or the comments made by internet trolls, or the gossip of people who don't deserve us. Caring about the opinions of those who either don't like us or people who carry grudges, only gives them power and they know it. That's what they prey on. Well, I've learned and I'm taking away their power over me.
(from this post over at Incurable Insomniac).
That's a pretty powerful statement to me, because I've ALWAYS been a people-pleaser. (And I think an interesting sociological study would be to do a longitudinal examination of teenagers and see if the ones who are "people pleasers" rebelled less. I suspect they would; I know that I was so desperate for ANY approval - and in my case, the approval mainly came from adults; the other kids thought I was a lost cause - that I didn't DARE do anything to upset the adults).
The question comes, how does one STOP caring so much. I mean, I wouldn't want to go too far in the other direction and become the cranky uncollegial person, but I also do find I give people - sometimes people who are simply crackpots or who don't like me for some ridiculous reason - too much power over me.
And as she said: caring too much about the opinions of people of lesser integrity. That was the part that really got me, because I consider myself a person of high integrity, and of course it is right: why should I twist myself in knots over the opinion of someone who chooses to be a jerk because they think it's funny or cute, or someone who sees nothing wrong with cheating their way through life, or who will duck responsibility every chance they get?
Anyway, something to reflect upon.
2 comments:
I think the secret (for me, anyway) is the art of practicing selective vulnerability. I still care and want to please, I've just learned how to be more picky about who I give that gift to. Not easy, and you're right -- I wouldn't want to go too far in the other direction either, or become cynical. I just have to trust my intuition where people are concerned. It's not easy, but it's easier than feeding myself to the lions!
I agree with Steph. I also think the older you get, the less you care what others think of you (a benefit to reaching my 40s, I've found. And I have always been a people pleaser.) You realize what a waste of time it is worrying about others' opinions...assuming you've done nothing offensive or wrong. You want people to like you for who you are...if not, well, that's junior high all over again.
-- Grace in MA
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