Something I was a little afraid of is happening.

I'm knitting less. I'm working on less stuff.

There are a couple reasons for this. The most immediate one being the need to practice piano every day, and the finding of an hour (usually at the end of the day, when I would just go home and sit down and knit) in which to do that.

But. I'm also busy for other reasons. I agreed to an overload this semester that includes a new, seminar-style class. I am not the only one responsible for it, but I'm working hard to find readings and to prep and all that. (And I have a student's thesis to read before next week). And I'm the point-person for Directed Readings again, which means that there are three (and possibly more, other folks haven't come in to speak to me yet) books I need to read between now and the middle of the semester.

I look at the various projects piled up at times, and I despair a little - will I ever finish anything again? Is taking the time to knit or quilt taking time away from doing what I "should" be doing, like concentrating on reading? I can knit stockinette and read at the same time, but I notice that I do both more slowly.

I don't know. I'm not sure I like being this busy.

I'm trying to lighten up on blog reading but I find that surfing is a "stress response" - when I feel overwhelmed, I want to read about what other people are doing.

I'm also just really tired right now. Part of it is readjusting to a busier schedule but also the mountain cedar has started flowering. Our allergy season starts devilishly early.

TChem writes about how she keeps getting bogged down in "facts" at the expense of "truth" and how the details and the big picture are now mixed in her life, and that makes it hard.

I find I feel a similar bogged-down-ness at times - I tend to phrase it more as "the urgent is pushing out the important" (which is a line from some theologian; I don't remember which one). I can tell my creativity suffers when I feel so pressed to Just Complete Stuff and when I have less time to think. I can very easily get overwhelmed if I "zoom out" from the one inch picture frame (that concept is from Anne Lamott; I remember that) and think about what I must do in the next week, or the next two weeks, or the rest of the semester, instead of forcing myself to close down the iris so the only thing in view is the paper I must be evaluating now, or the prep work I must do for class....and trust that the other things will take care of themselves until such a time comes up that I can take care of them.

I'm really bad at surrendering control. Or trusting that things will get done somehow. And that's one of the things that frays me and wears me thin.