"Hold fast to that which is good."

One of the favorite benedictions I ever heard - so much so that I cut out the copy of it from the bulletin it was in and pasted it in a scrapbook I kept - contained that phrase (the whole benediction was actually from 1 Thessalonians, just modified a bit).

I always liked that line. I think it is in part because in some ways I'm a very tactile person. I like things that are tangible, that can be recognized as having an actual existence. I could visualize myself "holding fast" to the good things in my life.

And when things get a little difficult, I find myself more and more drawn to the tangible things of life - the things I can literally hold fast to.

This has been kind of a challenging week - my allergies have been acting up and one of the symptoms of allergies in me (which NO ONE ELSE seems to understand) is that they make me kind of fatigued and depressed. It is as if there is a grey fuzz over the world, which usually only lifts when the trees are done pollinating. I have less of a tolerance for the random daily insults we all face.

Yesterday was a memorial service for a man that I knew and respected. He was a member of my church. His passing will leave a hole. On the one hand, I am relieved he is no longer suffering but on the other hand I am sad that I will never again hear his cheeful greeting, or have him tell me one of his silly jokes, or have him commiserate with me over students (he had been an educator for his entire career).

Youth group was challenging last night. Every spring, the kids go nuts. I don't know if it's the long confinement of winter, or if it's high-stakes testing time, or what. Also, a lot of them are going through puberty, which seems to make a kid who once was reasonable and kind and would listen to you when you asked him not to do something into a rather defiant being who does what he pleases and just waits for you to chastize or discipline him.

Last night it was a big thing - there were eight kids and three adults, so you'd think we could keep charge of them all, right? Well, as we were locking up and checkin all the doors, one of the kids ran off before we could stop him. Just took off. This is at 8:10 pm and it's dark here. And although it's a low-crime town, still, stuff happens. And we're right downtown.

Fortunately one of my co-leaders is the kid's grandmother or I would have been even more freaked. As it was, all three adults spend about 20 minutes driving around downtown, separately, in our cars, looking for this kid - which was really pretty futile because if he were hiding behind a hedge or something, we'd never see him. Finally she sent me and the other leader home and said she'd keep looking. (It's also possible he just started walking to her house; she lives not that far from church). But still - it's scary and crazy-making and sad. (I didn't get a call from her later last night so I presume that means she found him.)

So I'm finding right now that I'm sort of clinging to my knitting like a Titanic survivor would cling to a raft made out of deck chairs. I didn't get much done last night - a couple of rows on the Kenobi jacket and a couple pattern-repeats on the Feather and Fan socks - but it's something I can hold fast to, something I can look at and acknowledge as good. And most of all, it's something that is mine alone - it is unaffected by the whims or attitudes of others. (Again, people and their unpredictability). It is something real, something separate from all the confusions and frustrations of my life. And so I cling to it, kind of like Linus and his blanket.

So right now, I kind of need tangible things. Things I can grab on to and hold. My books are like a sanctuary to me right now. My quilts, the things I have made, even cooking - it's something to grab and hold on to as it seems like the world spins ever out of control.

Incidentally, the last line of that benediction was "give no one back evil for evil," which I also tend to believe is pretty good advice.

I look around this world - not so much the larger world where wars and such go on, but the smaller world of campus and church and community, and I kind of wonder how many people remember a small concept called the Golden Rule. Ten words or so ("Do unto others as you would have them do unto you") but ten words that are so important: I would argue that that is ONE thing every world religion and philisophical system would agree upon. It is the foundation that's allowed us to come down out of the trees and to be able to build cities and cathedrals and viaducts and fountains and make music and art and write books and invent knitting and crochet and the printing press and cuisine and all that, because we generally agreed upon taking a respite from trying to kill each other, or steal each other's mates or food or shelter-place. And sometimes I wonder if we've not forgot the old Golden Rule a little bit in this modern world, and that makes me sad. And more than a little worried about the future.