Here's a little Christmassy post.

In my church's newsletter this week, there was a list of Gifts That Don't Cost A Cent.

Sort of a last-minute kind of idea thing. My comments are in parentheses. I would suggest that most of these work best as a gift if you practice them regularly, not just at the holidays.

The gift of listening: but you must really listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listen. (How many people there are out there don't get listened to on a regular basis - I have seen it, it is a sad thing.)

The gift of affection: be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and handholds. Let these small actions demonstrate the affection you have for family and friends. (And I would add: note the word "appropriate." Some of us are more touch-averse than others and may feel smothered by a full-on bear hug, but wouldn't mind a pat on the shoulder.)

The gift of laughter: Clip cartoons, share funny and uplifting articles and stories. Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."

The gift of a written note: It can be a simple "thanks for the help" note or a full sonnet. A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life. (I have been on both ends of this one and yes, I agree. I have a drawer of notes people have written me over the years and I look at them when I'm feeling like a failure.)

The gift of a compliment: a simple and sincere, "you look great in red," "you did a super job," or "that was a wonderful meal" can make someone's day. (But I would note that you emphasize the word "sincere." I've known some people who threw compliments around like breadcrumbs and they don't mean as much when you suspect the person is not entirely sincere.)

The gift of a favor: everyday, go out of your way to do something kind. (Is there someone in your neighborhood who has a hard time raking their leaves, shoveling their walk, doing their grocery shopping? Do you have time to do it for them, even if just once?)

The gift of solitude: There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to another.

The gift of being cheerful: the easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind word to someone; it's not really that hard to say "Hello" or "thank you."

I would also add:

The gift of time: offer to do something for or with someone. Is there someone who you know who's always wanted to learn something that you know how to do? You could offer to teach them. You could even make up a fancy certificate and give it to them to let them know that it is "good for lessons in..." whatever they want to learn. Or offer to babysit the kids for one afternoon so a stay-at-home-mom can go shopping sans kids, or go to the beauty parlor, or something. Or even just spending TIME with the person - lots of times older kids in families, for example, sometimes wind up as kind of an auxiliary babysitter, or they wind up being left a bit to fend for themselves (emotionally speaking) while the younger kids get more attention - offer to take them shopping, or to a game, or just to the park.
Or for that matter - there are lots of older people who seem to kind of get "left behind" and don't have people around to do stuff with them - find out if they like to play Scrabble, or if they would like someone to go to the movies with them, or take them out, even if it's just for coffee.

The gift of understanding: sometimes people are in a bad mood and it's usually not your fault. Don't assume that you did something wrong, don't assume that the person is being grouchy or sad just to disrupt YOUR good time. Sometimes it's best just to back off and not try to "jolly" someone out of a grouchy or sad mood. (Especially a sad mood.) Not everyone is joyful at the holidays; for some people it is a time to sadly remember those they have lost, or it recalls bad experiences of the past to them. Sometimes it's best just to withdraw a little rather than forcing someone to join gaiety they don't feel. (This fits in with the Gift of Solitude, above).


So anyway, there they are. The cynics might roll their eyes and observe that it looks like a cheap way to get out of gift-giving or that it's overly Pollyannaish. Whatever. I do remember times as a young kid when I had no money, making "coupons" good for car-washings or floor-vacuumings or other chores-that-weren't-usually-mine to give to my parents for Christmas and they always seemed to appreciate them. And I would love the gift of lessons in how to do something I'd like to learn to do...