Well, I finished the necessary work by midafternoon. I spent the rest of the day knitting on a pair of simple socks (the long-ongoing Mega Boots Stretch socks), and reading, and doing laundry. And I put up the last of my Christmas decorations - the little electric candles that go in the windows. This year I had the brainwave of setting them up on the divider between the top and bottom of the windows instead of the sill. I have a hedge that is taller than the sill and so no one could really see the candles before.

It is sort of nice to have a little quiet time. I miss having quiet time where nothing is going on, I don't have to be anywhere, no one needs me for anything. This is getting to be the quieter time of year - especially after it gets cold, there aren't as many people out and about. We're supposed to get VERY cold the middle of this week, and have our first freeze. I'm ready for it. I want it to happen.

It's also nice to be at home in the evenings, especially when you don't have to be anywhere the next day. It's pleasant to sit in my warm clean house and have the dark outside and feel like there's nowhere else in the world I'd want to be.

My neighborhood was silent yesterday afternoon, it seems everyone else is out of town or still at friends/families houses, or else they were in watching football.

It's nice to have nutritious food (Thanksgiving leftovers) that I do not have to cook. I am going to the grocery store today but I am pretty much only picking up little things - we ran out of dried marjoram Thursday and it was only by good luck that the fresh in my garden still had a few leaves on it. And I need toothpicks. And I'm going to get some little nibbles - some of that "laughing cow" cheese and some salted nuts and those kind of things to snack on when the Thanksgiving food is used up, or as an alternative when I'm just so tired of it I can't imagine eating it for lunch AND dinner.

It's nice to have a clean fridge and a clean house. And to have the laundry all done, even though laundry is my favorite of the household tasks (for some reason, emptying the dishwasher is the least favorite).

Today I've decided - if the fates allow - it will be a quiet day. I am going to go antiquing as I planned and also to the "big" grocery store. But then I'm going to come home and either knit or sew and relax. And maybe put on some Christmas music to listen to while I work. I have a startlingly large number of Christmas disks considering that I rarely entertain around this time of year and there's really only 3 weeks or so to listen to them between Thanksgiving and going-home time.

Tomorrow is decorating-the-church-for-Advent-and-Christmas day, it will be fun. It is always fun. I enjoy being in a group of people that I like and just working. It's nice not to be the one running the show (there is one woman who takes that as her responsibility and she's good at it). It's a pleasure to have someone tell me "fluff out these bows" or "go and hang these wreaths on these doors" and just go and do it. I think people who have a lot of responsibility appreciate times when they don't have to take it, when they can just work and not worry about being in charge.

And Monday, it is back to work. For two more weeks. It will be a busy time but the fact that it is time-limited - that in three weeks, come Monday, I will be getting on a train to go see my family - makes it easier to cope with the busy-ness.

I've also slipped back into a better, older way of being. I've decided to - as much as my responsible and self-criticising soul can manage - not worry about whether or not I'm "grown up enough." Because, you know? That is something I have worried intensely about this summer and fall. I've said to myself, "You're Very Nearly 40, you need to grow up. You need to watch grown-up television instead of coming home on Friday afternoons and sitting down to watch "VeggieTales" and "Jane and the Dragon" on Qubo." Or I've said, "You are really too old to be interested in stuffed toys; if you even make any you should be giving them away to children." Or, "Aren't you a little old to be wearing something that pale of a blue?"

And you know? Screw that. "VeggieTales" is funny and entertaining and CLEVER (they once did a parody of The Mikado - using lots of the music with new words set to it - using sumo-wrestling vegetables as the characters). If being a grown-up means I'm expected to watch "Survivor" or soap operas or financial shows or pundits screaming at each other, I don't want any part of it. And the clothing thing - I've decided I'll consider crossing that bridge when my hair really truly goes white, because then probably the colors that look good on me will change. And as for the stuffed toys: It doesn't harm me or anyone else that I like having them around and that I enjoy making them. And it's really little different - collecting them - from collecting stamps or clocks or Corningware. Oh, I suppose you could argue that the "market price" is more volatile and the value isn't the same as for a "flying Jenny" stamp or summat.

As I've said before, there seems to be such an element of making-it-up-as-you-go-along in being an adult that I really truly wasn't prepared for. I thought - when I was a child - that there was some kind of handbook you were given or something that answered all the questions. So I guess I can argue that since there's no handbook, there aren't rules to be broken, and there's nothing wrong with me making and wearing Clifford The Big Red Dog pajamas or watching cartoons or eating the occasional bowl of Cocoa Krispies.

So I've decided to allow myself once again to be a little imaginative and a little silly at times and not to worry so damned hard whether I present the necessary "adult" front at all times. I am who I am and if my "mental age" is younger than it should be, it's too hard for me to change that without lots of unhappiness for me. And why should a person make themselves unhappy if being happy doesn't hurt anyone, and is more authentic to who they are?

Besides, the front cracks so easily that I'm sure I'm not fooling anyone. One day in the GIS class I teach, I jumped up and clapped my hands because I managed to fix something that was going wrong on a student's computer. I felt like an idiot afterwards but as I said, I am who I am and it's hard for me not to wear my heart on my sleeve that way.