Well, I have prizes. And a contest.

One prize will be several small lots (mostly about 300 yards per color) of Classic Elite Tapestry (bought from Elann back in the palmy days when I thought any yarn would make great sockyarn). There's a sort of dusty orange color (400 yards), a deep turquoise, a bright green, a grey-green, and a bright fuchsia. (As you can see, unless you have a remarkable sense of color, they would not all go together. But they would work for hats or gloves). The prize consists of all of them.

The other knitting-related prize will be a group of sock yarns - yarn sufficient to make five pairs of adult-female-sized socks. Some of it is solid neutral colors, some of it is sportweight and burgundy, some of it is self-patterning. (In each case there is enough of each color to make a pair of socks).

There is also a special "But I don't knit!" category in case the winner is not a knitter, or doesn't use animal fibers, or doesn't want more yarn. It will be a selection of books from my collection, either a group of (mostly) trade paperbacks, or a big Folio Press illustrated biography of Leonardo da Vinci, or a two-volume set of "Who's who in the Greek and Roman Worlds." (A highly specialized prize that; it was free with my last Folio order, and although I'd love to have time to pursue a classical education, I don't, nor do I have room for the rather hugacious two volume set).

I will post pictures if necessary. (Necessary = no one is entering by Monday or Tuesday so there needs to be some enticement).

As for the contest itself, I thought a good bit about it.

My first idea was to ask for a haiku or other composed sort of thing. But you know - other bloggers' contests involving haiku and such seem to fall when I'm at a creative low ebb, and don't have the energy to come up with something that is either beautiful or clever.

My second idea was to ask for short (~50 word) essays on why I should continue the blog. But that seemed too needy, even for me, and I feared it might invite the sort of person who didn't care about any of the prizes but wanted to snark about me.

Then I remembered that one of my colleagues told me the Miss America pageant is tonight. (Is it? I really don't pay attention to such things.) So here it is, the Mr./Ms. Blog-i-versary contest:

There is no swimsuit competition as I don't like being in a swimsuit in public myself, and so would not subject you to something I'd not do myself.

There is no "How I would change the world" competition because that gets either very politicized or very banal very fast.

There is no evening wear competition - even though, if there are chaps out there reading this, I'd probably love seeing you in a tuxedo, and it would be interesting to see what the women chose, it's just too complex to work out.

And there's no talent competition, because you're all such a talented lot, it would be too hard for me to pick.

So, the contest comes down to one thing: make me laugh. Tell me a joke. You can do it in a comment or in an e-mail to me. The only ground rules are these: make it a joke I'd put on my blog. (In other words: you're talented, you don't need to work blue. Nor do you need to insult or be mean to others).

You have until January 27 - the day after my blogiversary. That gives you a week. One joke per person, so give it your best shot.

Best joke wins. (Also? If you tell me some permutation of that joke with the blonde knitting while she drives, and the cop who yells "pull over" at her, and she says, "No, it's socks"? You are so disqualified. Everyone who has ever found out I knit has told me that joke, and I didn't laugh the first fifty times I heard it.)

I will post the best joke, and the first-runner up (in case the best joke is unable to fulfill its duties, or, you know, poses for a nudie mag). Winning jokester gets his/her pick of the prizes, first runner up gets pick of the remaining prizes. (And if it's the hugacious books? They're gonna be coming Media Mail, so be prepared for a little wait).